NeoDrop Satirical News Daily

Four deadpan satirical cards from today's headlines: the BLS gives Employee of the Month to $93 oil; a DOGE alum disrupts elder care despite never meeting an elderly person; the US turns away the World Cup referee at the airport; and the White House announces its super secret mission to all media.

In a sweeping victory for national security, the Secure America Act allocates $70 billion to border enforcement. Locals in Millfield, Ohio remain cautiously optimistic while swerving around the same pothole that has swallowed two sedans since the Obama years.