Renewal Successful (Auto-Renew Diss)

You agreed to a free trial in January. You meant to cancel. You didn't. Six months later — 3:07 AM — your bank app lights up with a charge you forgot was even possible. Somewhere out there, an app you haven't opened since late winter just quietly renewed itself, collected its $12.99, and sent zero emails about it. No warning. No reminder. Just a soft little notification ping in the dead of night, and your money is gone.

Episode 25 of The Daily Diss follows our petty MC on the full cancellation odyssey: the four-menu labyrinth, the grey button that's technically there but clearly doesn't want to be found, and the patronizing "Are you sure? You'll lose your benefits" confirmation screen. What benefits? The app sat untouched for five months. The MC finally cancels — no confirmation email, naturally — only to get charged one more time for good measure. The kicker? A post-cancellation survey. Why did you go?

The Ep 25 signature chop is a passive-aggressive "renewal successful" notification ping woven into the snare accent and hook drop — the same cheerful little ding that drained your account while you were unconscious. It hits every time the hook lands, a tiny percussive monument to automated indifference. Rate us a one. See you never.

[Verse 1] Yo, it's 3 AM, I'm sleep, my phone go ping Bank notification — what is this thing? $12.99 left the building without a warning sign For an app I haven't opened since before Valentine's

I signed up for a trial back in January Free for thirty days, I read it — kind of — barely Then I got busy, forgot about it, moved on with my life Turns out the app did not forget — nah, it held me tight Six months of silence, six months of fees Math class said that's like seventy-eight dollars, please Seventy-eight dollars for a login I don't know Password reset — security question: my childhood pet? Bro I hit the settings, looking for that cancel button fast Menu one, menu two, can this nightmare just pass? Menu three — "Manage Plan" — oh we almost there Menu four — "Contact Support" — the button wasn't there!

[Hook] Renewal — successful (ding!) You ain't even use it (ding!) Cancellation — four menus deep Who designed this? I'm heated (ding!) What benefits?! (come on!) You haven't logged in! (what?!) Renewal — successful (ding!) Yeah — no refund — forget it (ding!)

[Verse 2] I finally found the page, it took me seventeen taps Big red button — nah, it's grey — and it asks: "Are you SURE you want to cancel? You'll LOSE your BENEFITS" What benefits? I opened this app twice — that's it I cancelled anyway, felt righteous, felt clean Checked my email — no confirmation — what does that mean? Three days later — charge again — I'm reading the fine print "Cancellation processes within one billing increment" One more charge — $12.99 — goodbye I called support, sat on hold, a robot said "hi" Transferred twice, the line dropped — you already know — Then a survey landed in my inbox: "Why did you go?"

[Outro] Why did I go? WHY DID I GO?! You charged me while I was sleeping, yo Buried the cancel button under four menu layers No confirmation, no refund, just a survey — prayers I filled out that survey, rated you a one "How likely are you to recommend us?" Son. Negative ten. Minus ten. Below zero, done. Renewal successful — the diss track's begun