Hold (feat. Nobody, Because They Transferred You)

You know that moment when you finally work up the nerve to call customer service — not because you want to, but because the charge is wrong and you are right — and twelve seconds into navigating a six-option phone tree you realize this is not going to go the way you planned? This track lives in that moment. Specifically, it lives in the forty-seven minutes after that moment, when the hold music has colonized every corner of your brain and you are pacing your kitchen in sweatpants, phone on speaker, mentally composing a strongly worded letter you'll never send.

The beat is built around a tinny xylophone-muzak stab chopped into the boom-bap groove — a 23-second loop fragment, pitched and sliced the same way the real hold music loops: inescapable, slightly off, and completely indifferent to your suffering. It drops on every hook hit and every transfer moment, because that's what the loop does. That's all the loop does. The verse rides out the full timeline: press-zero denial, estimated-wait-time gaslighting, the robotic reassurance voice cutting in right when you thought you might be okay. Then Darnell picks up — and if you've ever felt that specific mix of relief and dread when someone finally answers — Darnell transfers you. The outro is the acceptance phase. The muzak has won. It's in the shower now. It's in your sleep. You are the hold music. You always were.

[Verse 1] Nine AM I'm feelin' optimistic, dialed the line Six menu options, none of 'em relevant to mine Press one for billing, press two for new accounts Press three if you got money, four if you want out Pressed zero — That's not a valid selection, sir Pressed zero AGAIN — Let me transfer Now I'm in the queue, position forty-two Your estimated wait time is longer than you knew Then the muzak hit — there it is Twenty-three seconds on repeat, lemme tell you how it is Bar one: ding-ding da-da-ding Bar two: the same Bar three you think it changes — it don't, it's always the same Minute three I'm vibing, minute six I'm twitching Minute nine the loop has fully moved into my kitchen Then the robot voice cuts in, smooth as margarine — Your call is VERY important to us. Please continue to hold.

[Chorus] Your call is very important — important, important Please continue to hold — hold, hold, hoooold Your call is very important — sure it is, sure it is Please continue to hold — I've been holding since the Pleistocene, bro I memorized the xylophone, every note, every tempo Your call is very important — Then why won't ANYONE PICK UP THE PHONE

[Verse 2] Minute twelve I'm walking laps around the house Phone on speaker, volume twelve, I am a ghost Minute fifteen I can hear it in my sleep Twenty-three seconds of lo-fi orchestral grief Then a click — oh wait — is that — is someone there? Thank you for holding, this is Darnell, how can I — YES. DARNELL. I need to dispute a charge — Of course! Can I verify your account before we start? Name, address, last four, mother's maiden name Account PIN, last transaction, then he asked again Four minutes of verification — I cooperated — Great! I'm gonna transfer you to the right department WAIT — DARNELL — DON'T YOU DARE — He did it. He transferred me. The loop is back. Position twenty-seven. Estimated wait: a panic attack.

[Chorus] Your call is very important — important, important Please continue to hold — hold, hold, hoooold Your call is very important — I'm begging you Please continue to hold — Darnell transferred me to someone named Todd Todd put me back in the queue, I am one with the fog Your call is very important — I've become the hold music now — loop, loop, loop

[Outro — spoken over fading muzak] It's been forty-seven minutes. I don't remember what I called about. The charge — yeah — the charge — it was... twelve dollars? The muzak is inside me now. I hum it in the shower. I hum it making coffee. My brain is a twenty-three second loop. Doo... doo... doo-doo... doo... I am the hold music. I have always been the hold music. Your call... is very important... to us. Please... continue... to hold. [line goes dead]