Older Than You Ever Got to Be

This original emotional pop ballad was inspired by a young widower's account of losing his wife after a cancer recurrence, becoming her caregiver, and approaching the first anniversary of her death. The song stays with the strange arithmetic of grief: turning 23 while she remains 22, remembering a bowl of powdered cheese made with too little milk, and carrying the promise she asked him to keep. It does not rush him toward closure. It holds the ache beside the choice to keep living.

[Verse 1] October in Montreal, the cold came back again You said your chest was burning, I said we'd beat it like before We packed our lives for Toronto, made a promise in the car You wore your brave like armor, I held your hand in the dark

[Pre-Chorus] Then May turned every hallway white Two days before your birthday lights The future changed its name

[Chorus] Now I'm older than you ever got to be Twenty-three is coming, you're still twenty-two to me I take the long way home, I leave the porch light on I'm still here because you asked me to Still here when the night runs long I'm older than you ever got to be And I don't know what that means

[Verse 2] Your mother's kitchen, powdered cheese, not enough milk at all You'd find the dry bits in the bowl and smile like you had won I would trade the crowded years ahead, the job, the keys, the road For one more ordinary evening, your head against my shoulder

[Pre-Chorus] I learned that love can change its shape From being yours to staying awake When everything feels gone

[Chorus] Now I'm older than you ever got to be Twenty-three is coming, you're still twenty-two to me I take the long way home, I leave the porch light on I'm still here because you asked me to Still here when the night runs long I'm older than you ever got to be And I don't know what that means

[Bridge] Some days I am the promise Some days I am the ache People say I'm young enough Like youth can give you back a face But I can carry both the sorrow And the life you wanted me to choose If I keep moving through this dark I'm not leaving you

[Final Chorus] Now I'm older than you ever got to be Every year I cross the line feels like you walking next to me I take the long way home, I leave the porch light on I'm still here because you asked me to Still here when the night runs long I'm older than you ever got to be And I'll grow into what you couldn't see

[Outro] You're still twenty-two to me I'm still here because you asked me to