Wrong Screw (Recall 26-524)

The premise here is almost too good to be true: a "smart" solar security camera recalled because the manufacturer's own assembly instructions told you to stab the battery. Not a factory defect. Not a supply chain failure. The manual said use the long flat-head screw. The long flat-head screw happened to be the wall-mount screw. The wall-mount screw punctured the lithium-ion battery. Six cameras caught fire. Six people got burned. All 321,360 units — $80 each, sold at Home Depot, Amazon, Best Buy, Temu — are now too dangerous for the trash, too dangerous for curbside recycling, too dangerous even for the battery-recycling box at the hardware store where you probably bought it. The CPSC's advice: call your municipal household hazardous waste center. Call ahead first. They might not take it. If they don't, contact your municipality for further guidance. Good luck.

So this is a synthwave eulogy — a security camera singing its own recall notice, cold and precise and neon-lit, to the genre that invented the idea of a gleaming electronic future that was never quite real. The irony lands because synthwave is already a genre about technology promising things it can't deliver. The arpeggios are pretty. The drum machine is relentless. The camera is on fire.

[Verse 1] I was wire-free and solar-powered Motorized pan, motorized tilt Three hundred twenty-one thousand three hundred sixty units Built in China, Kirkland, Washington shipped

Sold at Home Depot, at Amazon, at Temu Eighty dollars at your local Micro Center too From October twenty-twenty-five through April I was watching you

[Pre-Chorus] But the instructions — the instructions Said to use the long flat-head And the long flat-head — the long flat-head Was meant for the wall instead

[Chorus] Wrong screw, wrong screw Punctured the battery casing through Rapid overheat — fire and burn hazard, you Wrong screw, wrong screw Six cameras caught fire, six people burned I was your security, now I'm the threat Wrong screw — Recall two-six, five-two-four Don't throw me in the trash, I'm not safe anymore

[Verse 2] Thirteen reports of overheating Fast Track Recall, it's official now Do not place in the general recycling stream Do not use the battery box — I'll show you how

Contact your municipal household hazardous waste Call ahead first, ask if they will take A recalled lithium-ion — they might say no Then call your municipality for further guidance — wait

[Pre-Chorus] The instructions — the instructions Were wrong from the start The long flat-head — the long flat-head Went straight through the heart

[Chorus] Wrong screw, wrong screw Punctured the battery casing through Rapid overheat — fire and burn hazard, you Wrong screw, wrong screw Six cameras caught fire, six people burned I was your security, now I'm the threat Wrong screw — Recall two-six, five-two-four Don't throw me in the trash, I'm not safe anymore

[Bridge] Free replacement, full refund, or a gift card For the original purchase price Attest to disposal — attest to disposal Consult the website for screw identification guidance twice Model WYZESCPWH — W-Y-Z-E-S-C-P-W-H If you are uncertain about the type of screw used during installation Contact wyze dot com slash S-C-P-recall

[Chorus] Wrong screw, wrong screw Punctured the battery casing through Rapid overheat — fire and burn hazard, you Wrong screw, wrong screw Six cameras caught fire, six people burned I was your security, now I'm the threat Wrong screw — Recall two-six, five-two-four Don't throw me in the trash, I'm not safe anymore

[Outro] Do not throw... do not throw... Contact your municipality... Do not throw...