HPMOR 第11章｜OMAKE 文件 1、2、3（中英对照）

Hail the Dark Lord Rowling.

黑魔王罗琳万岁。

"Omake" is a non-canonical extra.

「Omake」指的是正典之外的花絮。

OMAKE FILES #1: 72 Hours to Victory

OMAKE 文件第一号：七十二小时赢得胜利

(A.k.a. "What Happens If You Change Harry But Leave All Other Characters Constant")

（又名：「如果你只换掉哈利，而让其他所有角色都保持原样，会怎么样」）

Dumbledore peered over his desk at young Harry, twinkling in a kindly sort of way. The boy had come to him with a terribly intense look on his childish face - Dumbledore hoped that whatever this matter was, it wasn't too serious. Harry was far too young for his life trials to be starting already. "What was it you wished to speak to me about, Harry?"

邓布利多隔着书桌凝视着年幼的哈利，眼里带着和蔼的闪光。这孩子来找他时，稚气的脸上挂着一种近乎凌厉的专注神情——邓布利多希望无论是什么事，都不至于太严重。哈利还太小，不该这么早就开始经受人生的磨难。「你想和我谈什么，哈利？」

Harry James Potter-Evans-Verres leaned forward in his chair, smiling grimly. "Headmaster, I got a sharp pain in my scar during the Sorting Feast. Considering how and where I got this scar, it didn't seem like the sort of thing I should just ignore. I thought at first it was because of Professor Snape, but I followed the Baconian experimental method which is to find the conditions for both the presence and the absence of the phenomenon, and I've determined that my scar hurts if and only if I'm facing the back of Professor Quirrell's head, whatever's under his turban. While it could be something more innocuous, I think we should provisionally assume the worst, that it's You-Know-Who - wait, don't look so horrified, this is actually a priceless opportunity -"

哈利·詹姆斯·波特-伊万斯-维瑞斯在椅子上向前倾身，露出一个冷峻的笑容。「校长，分院宴会上我的伤疤突然一阵剧痛。考虑到这道疤的来历和所在位置，我觉得不该就这么置若罔闻。我起初以为是斯内普教授，可后来我运用了培根实验法——也就是找出这个现象出现和不出现时各自的条件——然后确定：当且仅当我面朝奇洛教授后脑勺的时候，伤疤才会痛，不管他头巾底下是什么。虽然它可能只是什么无害的原因，可我觉得咱们应当暂且往最坏处想，那就是神秘人——等等，别那副见了鬼的表情，这其实是个千金难买的机会——」

OMAKE FILES #2: I Ain't Afraid of Dark Lords

OMAKE 文件第二号：我才不怕黑魔王们

This was the original version of Chapter 9. It was replaced because - while many readers did enjoy it - many other readers had massive allergies to songs in fanfics, for reasons that should not much need belaboring. I didn't want to drive readers away before they got to Ch. 10.

这就是第九章最初的版本。它被替换掉了，原因是——虽然确实有不少读者喜欢——可另有一大批读者对同人里的歌曲有着严重的过敏反应，其原因实在不值得我在此多费唇舌。我可不想让读者还没读到第十章就把人给赶跑了。

Lee Jordan is the fellow prankster of Fred and George (in canon). "Lee Jordan" had sounded like a Muggleborn name to me, implying that he would be capable of instructing Fred and George on a tune that Harry would know. This was not as obvious to some readers as it was to your author.

李·乔丹在正典里是弗雷德和乔治的恶作剧同伙。「李·乔丹」这个名字在我听来像是麻瓜出身的人的名字，也就是说，他完全有能力教弗雷德和乔治唱一首哈利会知道的曲子。这一点对某些读者来说，并不像对我这位作者这么显而易见。

Draco went to Slytherin, and Harry breathed a small sigh of relief. It had seemed like a sure thing, but you never did know what tiny event might upset the course of your master plan.

德拉科进了斯莱特林，哈利暗暗松了口气。这本来看起来是板上钉钉的事，可你永远说不准是哪件不起眼的小事，就可能打乱你这盘大棋的走向。

They were approaching the Ps now...

现在快念到 P 开头的名字了……

And over at the Gryffindor table, there was a whispered conversation.

而在格兰芬多的长桌那边，正进行着一场压低了嗓子的交谈。

「要是他不喜欢怎么办？」

「他凭什么不喜欢——

——在他开过那个玩笑之后——

——纳威·隆巴顿，那家伙叫这名字——

——现在他是再公平不过的戏弄对象了。」

「行吧。只是别忘了你们各自的词儿。」

「我们排练得够多了——

「——过去三个小时可一直在排。」

And Minerva McGonagall, from where she stood at the speaker's podium of the Head Table, looked down at the next name on her list. Please don't let him be a Gryffindor please don't let him be a Gryffindor OH PLEASE don't let him be a Gryffindor... She took a deep breath, and called:

而米勒娃·麦格，站在教师桌前的讲台边，低头看着名单上的下一个名字。『求求你千万别让他进格兰芬多，求求你千万别让他进格兰芬多，天哪求求你千万别让他进格兰芬多……』她深吸一口气，喊道：

"Potter, Harry!"

「波特，哈利！」

There was a sudden silence in the hall as all whispered conversation stopped.

大厅里骤然安静下来，所有低语都停了。

A silence broken by a horrible buzzing noise that modulated and changed in hideous mockery of musical melody.

一片寂静被一阵可怕的嗡嗡声打破，那声音起伏变换，恶意地嘲弄着旋律。

Minerva's head jerked around, shocked, and identified the buzzing noise as coming from the Gryffindor direction, where They were standing on top of the table blowing into some kind of tiny devices held against Their lips. Her hand started to drop to her wand, to Silencio the lot of Them, but another sound stopped her.

麦格惊愕地猛地扭过头，辨认出那嗡嗡声来自格兰芬多方向——他们正站在桌子上，唇边抵着某样小玩意儿往里吹。她的手开始去够魔杖，想给他们统统施上无声无息，可另一个声音让她停住了。

Dumbledore was chuckling.

邓布利多在轻声发笑。

Minerva's eyes went back to Harry Potter, who had only just started to step out of line before he'd stumbled and halted.

麦格的目光转回哈利·波特身上，他刚要迈出队列，却踉跄了一下，定在原地。

Then the young boy began to walk again, moving his legs in odd sweeping motions, and waving his arms back and forth and snapping his fingers, in synchrony with Their music.

然后那男孩又开始往前走，双腿做着古怪的扫掠动作，来回摆动着胳膊，打着响指，和着他们的音乐。

（由弗雷德和乔治·韦斯莱用卡祖笛吹奏，
李·乔丹演唱。）

. 。

"HARRY POTTER!" shouted Lee Jordan, and the Weasley twins performed a triumphant chorus.

「哈利·波特！」李·乔丹喊道，韦斯莱双胞胎吹出一段得意洋洋的副歌。

"HARRY POTTER!" There were a lot more voices shouting it this time.

「哈利·波特！」这一回有更多声音跟着喊。

The Weasley Horrors went off into an extended wailing, now accompanied by some of the older Muggleborns, who had produced their own tiny devices, Transfigured out of the school silverware no doubt. As their music reached its anticlimax, Harry Potter shouted:

「韦斯莱恐怖双人组」奏出一阵拖得老长的哀嚎，几位年纪稍大的麻瓜出身学生也加入进来；他们各自掏出自己的小玩意儿，想必是用学校的银餐具变出来的。当这段音乐迎来反高潮时，哈利·波特喊道：

There was cheering then, especially from the Gryffindor table, and more students produced their own antimusical instruments. The hideous buzzings redoubled in volume and built to another awful crescendo:

于是响起一片欢呼，格兰芬多那桌尤其热烈，又有更多学生掏出各自的「反音乐」乐器。那可怕的嗡嗡声音量翻倍，又推向另一个糟透的渐强音：

Minerva glanced to both sides of the Head Table, afraid to look but with all too good a notion of what she would see.

麦格往教师桌两边各瞥了一眼，不敢看，却又太清楚自己会看到什么。

Trelawney frantically fanning herself, Flitwick looking on with curiosity, Hagrid clapping along to the music, Sprout looking severe, and Quirrell gazing at the boy with sardonic amusement. Directly to her left, Dumbledore humming along; and directly to her right, Snape gripping his empty wine goblet, white-knuckled, so hard that the thick silver was slowly deforming.

特里劳妮拼命给自己扇风，弗立维好奇地旁观，海格跟着乐声拍手，斯普劳特板着脸，奇洛则带着玩味的讥诮盯着那男孩。就在她左边，邓布利多跟着哼唱；就在她右边，斯内普死死攥着那只空酒杯，指节发白，用力得连那厚实的银杯都在慢慢变形。

Minerva's lips set in a white line. She would have words with Them about that last verse, if They thought she was powerless because it was the first day of school and Gryffindor had no points to take away. If They didn't care about detentions then she would find something else.

麦格的嘴唇抿成一条白线。她等会儿可得跟他们好好谈谈那最后一节歌词，要是他们以为因为今天是开学第一天、格兰芬多还没分可扣，她就拿他们没办法，那就大错特错了。要是他们不在乎关禁闭，那她就另找别的办法。

Then, with a sudden gasp of horror, she looked in Snape's direction, surely he realised the Potter boy must have no idea who that was talking about -

然后她猛地倒抽一口凉气，朝斯内普的方向看去——想必他心里清楚，波特那孩子根本不知道他们唱的是谁吧——

Snape's face had gone beyond rage into a kind of pleasant indifference. A faint smile played about his lips. He was looking in the direction of Harry Potter, not the Gryffindor table, and his hands held the crumpled remains of a former wine goblet...

斯内普的脸早就越过了暴怒，换上一种近乎和气的漠然。一丝若有若无的笑意浮上他的嘴角。他看的方向是哈利·波特，不是格兰芬多那一桌，而他的手里，攥着一个曾经是酒杯的皱巴巴的残骸……

And Harry walked forwards, sweeping his arms and legs through the motions of the Ghostbusters dance, keeping a smile on his face. It was a great setup, had caught him completely by surprise. The least he could do was play along and not ruin it all.

哈利继续往前走，胳膊和腿划出魔鬼克星的舞步，脸上一直挂着笑。这场恶作剧安排得真妙，完全出乎他的意料。他至少能做的，就是配合着演下去，别把这一切给毁了。

Everyone was cheering him. It made him feel all warm inside and sort of awful at the same time.

所有人都在为他欢呼。这让他心里暖烘烘的，可同时又有一种说不出的难受。

They were cheering him for a job he'd done when he was one year old. A job he hadn't really finished. Somewhere, somehow, the Dark Lord was still alive. Would they have been cheering quite so hard, if they knew that?

他们在为他一岁时做下的事欢呼——一件他其实并没有真正完成的事。在某个地方，以某种方式，黑魔王还活着。要是他们知道这一点，还会欢呼得这么起劲吗？

But the Dark Lord's power had been broken once.

可是黑魔王的力量确实曾经被打破过一次。

And Harry would protect them again. If there was in fact a prophecy and that was what it said. Well, actually regardless of what any darn prophecy said.

而哈利会再次保护他们。如果真存在某一个预言，而且预言里确实这么写的话。嗯，其实不管那该死的预言写了什么都一样。

All those people believing in him and cheering him - Harry couldn't stand to let that be false. To flash and fade like so many other child prodigies. To be a disappointment. To fail to live up to his reputation as a symbol of the Light, never mind how he'd gotten it. He would absolutely, positively, no matter how long it took and even if it killed him, fulfill their expectations. And then go on to exceed those expectations, so that people wondered, looking back, that they had once asked so little of him.

那么多相信他、为他欢呼的人——哈利受不了让这一切变成假的。受不了像那么多别的神童一样，闪光一下便黯淡下去。受不了成为令人失望的人。受不了辜负他那个「光明象征」的名声，管它这名声是怎么来的。他不管用什么办法，不管花多少时间，哪怕会搭上性命，也一定要、绝对要达成他们的期望。然后再去超越那些期望，好让日后人们回想起来，只觉得难以置信——当初他们对他，竟然要求得那么少。

And he shouted out the lie that he'd invented because it scanned well and the song called for it:

于是他喊出那个他自己编出来的谎言——因为它朗朗上口，而这首歌正好唱到这儿需要它：

Harry took his last steps toward the Sorting Hat as the music ended. He swept a bow to the Order of Chaos at the Gryffindor table, and then turned and swept another bow to the other side of the hall, and waited for the applause and giggling to die away...

音乐结束，哈利迈着最后几步走向分院帽。他向格兰芬多桌旁的「混沌骑士团」潇洒地鞠了一躬，然后转身，朝大厅另一侧又鞠了一躬，等着掌声和咯咯的笑声渐渐平息……

OMAKE FILES #3: Alternate Endings of 'Self-Awareness'

OMAKE 文件第三号：「自我意识」的其它结局

The offer to tell the whole plot to anyone who guessed what 'has never happened before' spurred a lot of interesting attempts. The first omake below is taken directly from my personal favorite answer, by Meteoricshipyards. The second is based on Kazuma's suggestion for what "has never happened before", the third on a combination of yoyoente and dougal74, the fourth on wolf550e's review of chapter 10. The one that starts with 'K', and the one just above that, are from DarkHeart81. The others are my own. Anyone who wants to pick up one of my own ideas and run with them, particularly the last one, is welcome to do so. And before I get 100 indignant complaints, yes, I am well aware that the legislative body of the UK is the House of Commons in Parliament.

我曾许诺，谁要是猜出『还从未发生过的事』指的是什么，就把整个剧情讲给他听；这个许诺激起了大量有趣的尝试。下面第一个 omake 直接摘自我个人最喜欢的那个回答，出自 Meteoricshipyards。第二个基于 Kazuma 对『还从未发生过的事』的猜测，第三个综合了 yoyoente 和 dougal74 的构思，第四个来自 wolf550e 对第十章的评论。那个以『K』开头的，以及它上面那一个，出自 DarkHeart81。其余的都是我自己的。谁想拿我自己的某个点子接着往下写，尤其是最后那个，尽管拿去。而且，趁我还没收到一百封义愤填膺的投诉，先把话说清楚：是的，我非常清楚英国的立法机构是议会，其中的下院叫下议院。

...In the back of his mind, he wondered if the Sorting Hat was genuinely conscious in the sense of being aware of its own awareness, and if so, whether it was satisfied with only getting to talk to eleven-year-olds once per year. Its song had implied so: Oh, I'm the Sorting Hat and I'm okay, I sleep all year and I work one day...

……在脑海深处，他暗自琢磨：分院帽是不是真的有意识——那种能意识到自己有意识的意识？如果是，它会不会满足于每年只能跟十一岁的孩子说上一回话？它的歌似乎正暗示了这一点：哦，我是分院帽，我挺好的，我睡一整年，只干一天活……

When there was once more silence in the room, Harry sat on the stool and carefully placed onto his head the 800-year-old telepathic artefact of forgotten magic.

等房间里再次安静下来，哈利坐上凳子，小心地把那件由失传魔法造就、有八百年历史的心灵感应遗物放到自己头上。

Thinking, just as hard as he could: Don't Sort me yet! I have questions I need to ask you! Have I ever been Obliviated? Did you Sort the Dark Lord when he was a child and can you tell me about his weaknesses? Can you tell me why I got the brother wand to the Dark Lord's? Is the Dark Lord's ghost bound to my scar and is that why I get so angry sometimes? Those are the most important questions, but if you've got another moment can you tell me anything about how to rediscover the lost magics that created you?

他竭尽全力地想着：『先别给我分院！我有问题要问你！我曾被人施过一忘皆空吗？你当年给黑魔王分过院吗？能不能告诉我他的弱点？你能告诉我为什么我拿到的是黑魔王那根魔杖的兄弟吗？黑魔王的鬼魂是不是附在我的伤疤上，所以我才会有时那么容易发火？这些是最要紧的问题，可你要是有空，能不能再告诉我，怎么才能重新找到创造出你的那些失传魔法？』

And the Sorting Hat answered, "No. Yes. No. No. Yes and no, next time don't ask double questions. No." and out loud, "RAVENCLAW!"

分院帽答道：『不。是。不。不。是，也不是；下次别在一个问题里问两件事。不。』然后大声宣布：「拉文克劳！」

『哦，天哪。这种事还从未发生过……』

什么？

『我对你的洗发水过敏——』

And then the Sorting Hat sneezed, with a mighty "A-CHOO!" that echoed around the Great Hall.

接着分院帽打了个喷嚏，一声响亮的「啊——嚏！」在大礼堂里回荡。

"Well!" Dumbledore cried jovially. "It seems Harry Potter has been sorted into the new House of Achoo! McGonagall, you can serve as the Head of House Achoo. You'd better hurry up on making arrangements for Achoo's curriculum and classes, tomorrow is the first day!"

「好嘛！」邓布利多兴高采烈地喊道。「看来哈利·波特被分进了新成立的『啊嚏学院』！麦格，你就来当啊嚏学院的院长吧。你最好赶紧把啊嚏学院的课程和课表安排起来，明天就开学了！」

"But, but, but," stammered McGonagall, her mind in nearly complete disarray, "who will be Head of House Gryffindor?" It was all she could think of, she had to stop this somehow...

「可、可、可是，」麦格结结巴巴，脑子里几乎乱成一团，「那谁来当格兰芬多学院的院长？」这是她此刻唯一能想到的事，她必须设法阻止这一切……

Dumbledore put a finger to his cheek, looking thoughtful. "Snape."

邓布利多把一根手指抵在脸颊上，若有所思。「斯内普。」

Snape's screech of protest nearly drowned out McGonagall's, "Then who will be Head of Slytherin? "

斯内普那声尖利的抗议几乎盖过了麦格的那句：「那谁来当斯莱特林学院的院长？」

"Hagrid."

「海格。」

『先别给我分院！我有问题要问你！我曾被人施过一忘皆空吗？你当年给黑魔王分过院吗？能不能告诉我他的弱点？你能告诉我为什么我拿到的是黑魔王那根魔杖的兄弟吗？黑魔王的鬼魂是不是附在我的伤疤上，所以我才会有时那么容易发火？这些是最要紧的问题，可你要是有空，能不能再告诉我，怎么才能重新找到创造出你的那些失传魔法？』

There was a brief pause.

短暂的停顿。

喂？要我把问题再重复一遍吗？

The Sorting Hat screamed, an awful high-pitched sound that echoed through the Great Hall and caused most of the students to clap their hands over their ears. With a desperate yowl, it leapt off Harry Potter's head and bounded across the floor, pushing itself along with its brim, and made it halfway to the Head Table before it exploded.

分院帽尖叫起来，那声难听至极的高音在大礼堂里回荡，逼得大多数学生抬手捂住耳朵。它发出一声绝望的哀嚎，从哈利·波特头上蹦下来，沿着地板一路蹦跳，用帽檐撑着往前挪，蹦到离教师桌还有一半路程的地方，轰地一声炸开了。

"SLYTHERIN!"

「斯莱特林！」

Seeing the look of horror on Harry Potter's face, Fred Weasley thought faster than he ever had in his life. In a single motion he whipped out his wand, whispered "Silencio!" and then "Changemyvoiceio!" and finally "Ventriliquo! "

看到哈利·波特脸上那副惊恐的表情，弗雷德·韦斯莱这一辈子脑子从没转得这么快。他一气呵成地拔出魔杖，低声念了*「无声无息！」然后是「改声咒！」最后是「腹语术！」*

"Just kidding!" said Fred Weasley. "GRYFFINDOR!"

「开玩笑的！」弗雷德·韦斯莱说。「格兰芬多！」

『哦，天哪。这种事还从未发生过……』

什么？

『通常情况下，我会把这类问题转给校长；如果他愿意，他可以再来问我。可你问的某些信息，不仅超出了你目前的用户等级，甚至超出了校长的用户等级。』

那我该怎么提升自己的用户等级？

『很抱歉，以你目前的用户等级，我不能回答这个问题。』

What options are available at my user level?

我这个用户等级能用哪些选项？

After that it didn't take long -

此后没过多久——

"ROOT!"

「超级用户！」

『哦，天哪。这种事还从未发生过……』

什么？

『以前我也不得不告诉过一些学生，她们已经是母亲了——你要是知道我在这些孩子脑子里看到了什么，准会心碎——可这还是头一回，我不得不告诉一个人，他要当爸爸了。』

什么？！

『德拉科·马尔福怀了你的孩子。』

什……什么？！

『我再说一遍：德拉科·马尔福怀了你的孩子。』

可我们才十一岁——

『其实德拉科已经秘密地十三岁了。』

可、可、可是男人不会怀孕——

『而且那身衣服底下是个女孩。』

可我们压根没上过床，你这个白痴！

『她在那次强暴之后对你施了一忘皆空，蠢货！』

Harry Potter fainted. His unconscious body fell off the stool with a dull thud.

哈利·波特晕了过去。他失去知觉的身体从凳子上栽下来，闷闷地一声响摔在地上。

"RAVENCLAW!" called out the Hat from where it lay on top of his head. That had been even funnier than its first idea.

「拉文克劳！」帽子就躺在哈利头顶上，从那里喊道。这可比它第一个点子还要好笑。

"ELF!"

「精灵！」

Huh? Harry remembered Draco mentioning a 'House Elf', but what was that exactly?

嗯？哈利想起德拉科提到过什么『家养小精灵』，可那到底是什么？

Judging by the appalled looks dawning on the faces around him, it wasn't anything good -

从四周陆续浮现的惊恐表情来看，那肯定不是什么好东西——

"PANCAKES!"

「薄饼！」

"REPRESENTATIVES!"

「众议院！」

『哦，天哪。这种事还从未发生过……』

什么？

『我还从来没给戈德里克·格兰芬多、萨拉查·斯莱特林和漩涡鸣人的转世者分过院。』

"ATREIDES!"

「亚崔迪！」

"Fooled you again! HUFFLEPUFF! SLYTHERIN! HUFFLEPUFF!"

「又骗到你啦！赫奇帕奇！斯莱特林！赫奇帕奇！」

"PICKLED STEWBERRIES!"

「腌草莓！」

"KHAAANNNN!"

「可——汗！！」

At the Head Table, Dumbledore went on smiling benignly; small metallic sounds occasionally came from Snape's direction as he idly compacted the twisted remains of what had once been a heavy silver wine goblet; and Minerva McGonagall clenched the podium in a white-knuckled grip, knowing that Harry Potter's contagious chaos had infected the Sorting Hat itself.

在教师桌那边，邓布利多仍旧慈祥地微笑着；斯内普的方向偶尔传来细小的金属声，那是他漫不经心地把一只曾经厚重的银质酒杯捏成的扭曲残骸继续压紧；而米勒娃·麦格死死攥着讲台，指节发白——她明白，哈利·波特那股会传染的混乱，如今连分院帽本身都给染上了。

Scenario after scenario played out through Minerva's head, each worse than the last. The Hat would say that Harry was too evenly balanced between Houses to Sort, and decide that he belonged to all of them. The Hat would proclaim that Harry's mind was too strange to be Sorted. The Hat would demand that Harry be expelled from Hogwarts. The Hat had gone into a coma. The Hat would insist that a whole new House of Doom be created just to accomodate Harry Potter, and Dumbledore would make her do it...

一个接一个的画面在麦格脑海里掠过，一个比一个更糟。帽子会说，哈利在各学院之间的倾向太过均衡，无法分院，于是判定他属于所有学院。帽子会宣布哈利的思想太过怪异，根本无法分院。帽子会要求把哈利开除出霍格沃茨。帽子会陷入昏迷。帽子会坚持为哈利·波特专门新建一个『厄运学院』，而邓布利多会逼着她去照办……

Minerva remembered what Harry had told her in that disastrous trip to Diagon Alley, about the... planning fallacy, she thought it had been... and how people were usually too optimistic, even when they thought they were being pessimistic. It was the sort of information that preyed on your mind, dwelling in it and spinning off nightmares...

麦格想起在对角巷那次糟糕透顶的行程里，哈利对她说过的话，关于……计划谬误，她记得应该就是这个……说的是人们总是过于乐观，哪怕他们自认为是在往悲观处想。这种信息会在脑子里纠缠不去，盘踞在脑子里，自己转出一场场噩梦……

But what was the worst that could happen?

可是最糟又能糟到哪儿去？

Well... in the worst-case scenario, the Hat would assign Harry to a whole new House. Dumbledore would insist that she do it - create a whole new House just for him - and she'd have to rearrange all the class schedules on the first day of term. And Dumbledore would remove her as Head of House Gryffindor, and give her beloved House over to... Professor Binns, the History ghost; and she would be assigned as Head of Harry's House of Doom; and she would futilely try to give the child orders, deducting point after point without effect, while disaster after disaster was blamed on her.

嗯……在最坏的情况下，帽子会把哈利分进一个全新的学院。邓布利多会坚持让她去办——为他一个人新建一个学院——那她开学第一天就得把全部课表都重排一遍。邓布利多还会撤掉她格兰芬多学院院长的职务，把她心爱的学院交给……教历史的幽灵宾斯教授；而她会被派去当哈利的厄运学院院长；她会徒劳地试图命令那个孩子，一分接一分地扣，却毫无用处，于是一场接一场的灾难统统算到了她头上。

Was that the worst-case scenario?

那算是最糟的情况吗？

Minerva honestly didn't see how it could be any worse than that.

麦格真心想不出，还能有什么比这更糟的。

And even in the very worst case - no matter what happened with Harry - it would all be over in seven years.

而且即便在最最糟的情况下——不管哈利身上到底发生了什么——七年后这一切总会结束。

Minerva felt her knuckles slowly relax their white-knuckled grip on the podium. Harry had been right, there was a kind of comfort in staring directly into the furthest depths of the darkness, knowing that you had confronted your worst fears and were now prepared.

麦格感到自己攥着讲台的指节慢慢松了下来。哈利说得对，直视黑暗最深处，知道自己已经面对过最深的恐惧、现在已经准备好了，这确实有一种安慰。

The frightened silence was broken by a single word.

那令人心悸的寂静被一个字打破了。

"Headmaster!" called the Sorting Hat.

「校长！」分院帽喊道。

At the Head Table, Dumbledore rose, his face puzzled. "Yes?" he addressed the Hat. "What is it?"

在教师桌那边，邓布利多站起身来，脸上带着困惑。「嗯？」他对帽子说。「什么事？」

"I wasn't talking to you," said the Hat. "I was Sorting Harry Potter into the place in Hogwarts where he most belongs, namely the Headmaster's office -"

「我不是在跟你说话，」帽子说。「我是把哈利·波特分进霍格沃茨里他最适合待的地方，也就是校长的办公室——」

章首的说明直接告诉读者，omake 指「正典之外的额外内容」。这个词来自日语「おまけ」，在漫画、动画和同人作品里常指正篇之外的特典、花絮或搞笑短篇；本章的三组内容都属于这个范围。1

第二组 OMAKE 改写了 1984 年电影《Ghostbusters》的主题曲：原曲用「Who you gonna call?」引出齐声回答，哈利这一版把回答换成「HARRY POTTER!」，又把「I ain't afraid of ghosts」改成「I ain't afraid of Dark Lords」。2 作者还在正文注释里说明，弗雷德和乔治用卡祖笛吹奏，李·乔丹负责演唱。

第一组里，哈利说自己用的是培根式实验法：分别寻找现象出现和不出现的条件，再比较两种情况。这个说法对应弗朗西斯·培根在《新工具》中提出的经验归纳方法。3 收尾又提到「计划谬误」：人们往往会低估任务需要的时间，哪怕他们已经知道过去的类似任务经常超时。4 麦格想起这个概念，随后把「最坏情况」一路推演到新建厄运学院。

第三组把《自我意识》的分院场景拆成许多荒诞的短结局。REPRESENTATIVES! 接着作者关于英国议会下议院的自嘲说明；ATREIDES! 借用《沙丘》里的阿崔迪家族；Naruto 则指岸本齐史作品中的漩涡鸣人。56 这些词越像突然闯入分院唱名，笑点越依赖读者认出它们本来属于完全不同的故事。

最后的 KHAAANNNN! 戏仿的是《星际迷航 II：可汗之怒》中柯克对可汗的嘶喊，英文网页语录通常写作「KHAAAAAN!!!」。7 这里的字母数量是网络化的拼写变体。中文现成译文另作「可汗学院」的 Khan Academy 谐音；本篇按官方英文保留电影梗。