Four Months In

"Four Months In" is inspired by a real Reddit confession from a new mother who wrote about the shock of wanting motherhood for years and then feeling trapped, ashamed, and frighteningly alone after a brutal pregnancy, infant reflux, and months of broken sleep. The song stays inside that contradiction: loving a baby so fiercely that one quiet sleeping moment feels holy, while still grieving the person and life that disappeared overnight.

The turn in the song comes from what happened around the post. Strangers answered without scolding her, naming the pain as survival rather than failure. That kindness does not make everything easy, but it gives the narrator one more night, one more breath, one more handhold.

[Verse 1] I used to fold small blankets Like prayers across my knees Painted the room in daylight And called it destiny I thought love would arrive here Soft as a lullaby But the house keeps getting louder When I close my eyes

[Pre-Chorus] There is milk on my shirt There is fear in the sink There is a girl in the mirror I barely know how to think

[Chorus] Four months in and I am under water Holding the child I dreamed about I love her more than I can answer I miss the life I had without If I say it, will the ceiling shatter? If I hide it, will I disappear? Four months in, I am someone's mother And I am trying to stay here

[Verse 2] He says I can sleep now But sleep won't come for me Every cry is a siren Every hour repeats They say I should be grateful They say this pain will pass I nod like I believe them Then break behind the glass

[Pre-Chorus] There are bottles half-warmed There are bills I can't pay For someone to hear me I had to give my shame a name

[Chorus] Four months in and I am under water Holding the child I dreamed about I love her more than I can answer I miss the life I had without If I say it, will the ceiling shatter? If I hide it, will I disappear? Four months in, I am someone's mother And I am trying to stay here

[Bridge] Then she falls asleep against me One small hand around my thumb And the dark room almost opens For a minute, there is sun Strangers wrote, "you are not broken" Strangers stayed until I breathed Maybe grief can live beside love Maybe both are true in me

[Final Chorus] Four months in and I am still under water But there are voices reaching down I love her more than I can answer I miss myself and want her now If I say it, let the ceiling hear me If I cry, let the morning come Four months in, I am someone's mother Not failing, just undone Four months in, I am someone's mother And tonight I am holding on