HPMOR 第16章｜横向思维（中英对照）
奇洛的第一堂战斗魔法课：哈利在课前重逢德拉科与他的跟班，课堂上赫敏在「谁是教室里最危险的学生」这场游戏里拒绝对同学开火，最后被叫到台前的人是哈利。
英文原文取自 HPMOR 官方第 16 章。下文保留章首题记，并严格按官方故事正文的 219 个自然段与 4 处分隔线排列（含正文内 2 处场景转换），每组英文在上、中文在下；中文为依据英文独立校订的非官方译文。hpmor.xyz 对应章 仅用于核对理解、专名、术语与遗漏，未原样转载。
The enemy's gate is Rowling.
敌人的大门就是罗琳。
I'm not a psychopath, I'm just very creative.
我不是心理变态，我只是很有创造力。
As soon as he walked into the Defence classroom on Wednesday, Harry knew that this subject was going to be different.
星期三那天，哈利一走进防御术教室，就知道这门课会不一样。
It was, for a start, the largest classroom he had yet seen at Hogwarts, akin to a major university classroom, with layered tiers of desks facing a gigantic flat stage of white marble. The classroom was high up in the castle - on the fifth floor - and Harry knew that was as much explanation as he'd get for where a room like this was supposed to fit. It was becoming clear that Hogwarts simply did not have a geometry, Euclidean or otherwise; it had connections, not directions.
首先，这是他在霍格沃茨见过的最大的一间教室，像大学里那种大讲堂，一层层升高的课桌对着一整片巨大的白色大理石平台。教室在城堡的高处——五楼——至于这样一间教室究竟是怎么塞进五楼的，哈利知道这就是他能得到的全部解释了。有个事实越来越清楚：霍格沃茨根本没有几何这回事，欧几里得的不算，别的几何也不算；它只有连接，没有方位。
Unlike a university hall, there weren't rows of folding seats; instead there were quite ordinary Hogwarts wooden desks and wooden chairs, lined up in a curve across each level of the classroom. Except that each desk had a flat, white, rectangular, mysterious object propped up on it.
和大学讲堂不一样，这里没有一排排折叠座椅，而是霍格沃茨最普通的木桌木椅，沿着每一级阶梯排成弧线。唯一的例外是：每张课桌上都立着一个扁平的白色长方形怪东西。
In the center of the gigantic platform, on a small raised dais of darker marble, was a lone teacher's desk. At which Quirrell sat slumped over in his chair, head lolled back, drooling slightly over his robes.
巨大平台的正中有一方深色大理石的小讲台，上面孤零零摆着一张教师桌。奇洛就瘫坐在椅子里，脑袋向后仰着，口水顺着嘴角淌到了袍子上。
Now what does that remind me of...?
这场景让我想起什么来着……？
Harry had arrived at the lesson so early that no other students were there yet. (The English language was defective when it came to describing time travel; in particular, English lacked any words capable of expressing how convenient it was.) Quirrell didn't seem to be... functional... at the moment, and Harry didn't particularly feel like approaching Quirrell anyway.
哈利来得太早，教室里还没有别的学生。（英语在描述时间旅行上是有缺陷的；尤其是，英语里找不到词能表达这玩意儿有多方便。）奇洛看起来……暂时……不太能运作，而哈利也完全没有上前搭话的兴致。
Harry selected a desk, climbed up to it, sat down, and retrieved the Defence textbook. He was around seven-eighths of the way through - he'd planned on finishing the book before this lesson, actually, but he was running behind schedule and had already used the Time-Turner twice today.
哈利挑了一张桌子，爬上去坐好，摸出防御术课本。他已经读了大约八分之七——本来计划在上这节课之前把整本书读完，结果进度落后了，今天他已经用过两次时间转换器。
Soon there were sounds as the classroom began to fill up. Harry ignored them.
没过多久，学生们陆续进来，教室里响起一片嘈杂。哈利没有理会。
"Potter? What are you doing here?"
「波特？你在这儿干什么？」
That voice didn't belong here. Harry looked up. "Draco? What are you doing in oh my god you have minions."
这个声音不该出现在这里。哈利抬起头。「德拉科？你在这儿干什——哦我的天，你都有跟班了。」
One of the lads standing behind Draco seemed to have rather a lot of muscle for an eleven-year-old, and the other was poised in a suspiciously balanced-looking stance.
站在德拉科身后的两个男孩里，一个的肌肉多得不像十一岁，另一个的站姿平衡得令人起疑。
The white-blonde-haired boy smiled rather smugly and gestured behind him. "Potter, I introduce to you Mr. Crabbe," his hand moved from Muscles to Balance, "Mr. Goyle. Vincent, Gregory, this is Harry Potter."
淡金色头发的男孩得意地笑了笑，朝身后做了个手势。「波特，我给你介绍，这位是克拉布先生，」他的手从肌肉男移到平衡男，「这位是高尔先生。文森特，格雷戈里，这位是哈利·波特。」
Mr. Goyle tilted his head and gave Harry a look that was probably supposed to mean something but ended up just looking squinty. Mr. Crabbe said "Please to meetcha" in a tone that sounded like he was trying to lower his voice as far as it could go.
高尔先生歪了歪头，看了哈利一眼，那眼神大概本想表达点什么，结果只是显得眯缝着眼。克拉布先生说了句「很高兴认识你」，那语气听着像拼了命要把嗓门压到最低。
A fleeting expression of consternation crossed Draco's face, but was quickly replaced by his superior grin.
德拉科脸上一瞬间掠过一丝狼狈，不过很快又被那个高高在上的笑容盖了回去。
"You have minions!" Harry repeated. "Where do I get minions?"
「你都有跟班了！」哈利又说了一遍，「我上哪儿弄跟班去？」
Draco's smirk grew wider. "I'm afraid, Potter, that the first step is to be Sorted into Slytherin -"
德拉科笑得更得意了。「很遗憾，波特，第一步是你得先被分进斯莱特林——」
"What? That's not fair!"
「什么？这不公平！」
"- and then for your families to have an arrangement from before you were born."
「——然后还得两家人从你出生之前就安排好。」
Harry looked at Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle. They both seemed to be trying very hard to loom. That is, they were leaning forwards, hunching over their shoulders, sticking their necks out and staring at him.
哈利看了看克拉布先生和高尔先生。两个人都显然在拼命制造压迫感。也就是说，他们向前探着身子，弓着肩膀，把脖子伸出来瞪着他。
"Um... hold on," said Harry. "This was arranged years ago?"
「呃……等等，」哈利说，「这是好几年前就安排好的？」
"Exactly, Potter. I'm afraid you're out of luck."
「正是，波特。可惜你没这个运气。」
Mr. Goyle produced a toothpick and began cleaning his teeth, still looming.
高尔先生掏出一根牙签开始剔牙，架势照旧。
"And," said Harry, "Lucius insisted that you were not to grow up knowing your bodyguards, and that you were only to meet them on your first day of school."
「而且，」哈利说，「卢修斯坚持不让你从小就知道自己的保镖是谁，非要你等到上学第一天才能见到他们。」
That wiped the grin from Draco's face. "Yes, Potter, we all know you're brilliant, the whole school knows by now, you can stop showing off -"
这话把德拉科脸上的笑容抹掉了。「是，波特，我们都知道你聪明，现在全校都知道了，你能不能别再显摆——」
"So they've been told their whole lives that they're going to be your minions and they've spent years imagining what minions are supposed to be like -"
「这么说，他们一辈子都被告诉将来要当你的跟班，还花了好几年想象跟班该是什么样子——」
Draco winced.
德拉科嘴角一抽。
"- and what's worse, they do know each other and they've been practising -"
「——更糟的是，他们确实互相认识，而且一直在练——」
"The boss told ya to shut it," rumbled Mr. Crabbe. Mr. Goyle bit down on his toothpick, holding it between his teeth, and used one hand to crack the knuckles on the other.
「老大叫你闭嘴，」克拉布先生瓮声瓮气地说。高尔先生咬住牙签，用一只手把另一只手的手指关节捏得咯咯作响。
"I told you not to do this in front of Harry Potter!"
「我跟你们说过别在哈利·波特面前来这套！」
The two looked a bit sheepish and Mr. Goyle quickly put the toothpick back in a pocket of his robes.
两个人有点讪讪的，高尔先生赶紧把牙签塞回袍子的口袋。
But the moment Draco turned away from them to face Harry again, they went back to looming.
可德拉科刚转回身去面对哈利，两人立刻又摆回那副架势。
"I apologise," Draco said stiffly, "for the insult which these imbeciles have offered you."
「我替这两个蠢货对你的冒犯道歉，」德拉科生硬地说。
Harry gave a meaningful look to Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle. "I'd say you're being a little harsh on them, Draco. I think they're acting exactly the way I'd want my minions to act. I mean, if I had any minions."
哈利意味深长地看了看克拉布先生和高尔先生。「德拉科，我倒觉得你对他们太苛刻了。我觉得他们现在的表现，正是我希望自己的跟班该有的样子。我是说，如果我有跟班的话。」
Draco's jaw dropped.
德拉科张大了嘴。
"Hey, Gregory, you don' think he's tryna lure us away from the boss, do ya?"
「嘿，格雷戈里，你说他是不是想把咱们从老大那儿挖走啊？」
"I'm sure Mr. Potter wouldn't be that foolish."
「我相信波特先生不会那么蠢，」高尔先生说。
"Oh, I wouldn't dream of it," Harry said smoothly. "It's just something to keep in mind if your current employer seems unappreciative. Besides, it never hurts to have other offers while you're negotiating your working conditions, right?"
「哦，我想都没想过，」哈利说得不动声色，「不过要是你们现在的老板显得不太领情，这事儿不妨记在心里。再说了，谈工作条件的时候手里多几个选择，总没坏处，对吧？」
"What's he doin' in Ravenclaw?"
「他一个拉文克劳的，跑这儿来干什么？」
"I can't imagine, Mr. Crabbe."
「我想不出来，克拉布先生。」
"Both of you shut up," Draco said through gritted teeth. "That's an order." With a visible effort, he transferred his attention to Harry again. "Anyway, what're you doing in the Slytherin Defence class?"
「你们两个都闭嘴，」德拉科咬着牙说，「这是命令。」他明显费了番力气，才把注意力转回哈利身上。「话说回来，你跑到斯莱特林的防御术课上来干什么？」
Harry frowned. "Hold on." His hand went into his pouch. "Timetable." He looked over the parchment. "Defence, 2:30pm, and right now it's..." Harry looked at his mechanical watch, which read 11:23. "2:23, unless I've lost track of time. Did I?" If he had, well, Harry knew how to get to whatever lesson he was supposed to be at. God he loved his Time-Turner and someday, when he was old enough, they would get married.
哈利皱起眉。「等等。」他把手伸进皮袋。「课程表。」他扫了一眼羊皮纸。「防御术，下午两点半，而现在……」哈利看了看自己的机械表，上面显示 11:23。「两点二十三，除非我把时间记错了。我记错了吗？」要是真记错了也没关系，哈利知道怎么赶去他本该上的那门课。老天，他太爱他的时间转换器了，等他长大到够岁数，他俩就结婚。
"No, that sounds right," Draco said, looking puzzled. His gaze turned to look over the rest of the auditorium, which was filling with green-trimmed robes and...
「不，听着没错，」德拉科说，一脸困惑。他的目光扫过整个讲堂，那里正被镶绿边的袍子填满，还有……
"Gryffindorks!" spat Draco. "What're they doing here?"
「格兰芬多蠢货！」德拉科啐道，「他们来这儿干什么？」
"Hm," Harry said. "Professor Quirrell did say... I forget his exact words... that he would be ignoring some of the Hogwarts teaching conventions. Maybe he just combined all his classes."
「嗯，」哈利说，「奇洛教授确实说过……原话我忘了……说他会无视霍格沃茨的一些教学惯例。也许他把自己的课全并到一块儿了。」
"Huh," said Draco. "You're the first Ravenclaw in here."
「哦，」德拉科说，「你是这儿第一个到的拉文克劳。」
"Yup. Got here early."
「对，来早了。」
"What're you doing all the way in the back row, then?"
「那你干吗坐到最后一排去？」
Harry blinked. "I dunno, seemed like a good place to sit?"
哈利眨了眨眼。「不知道，感觉是个好位置？」
Draco made a scoffing sound. "You couldn't get any further away from the teacher if you tried." The blonde-haired boy leaned slightly closer. "Anyway, is it true about what you said to Derrick and his crew?"
德拉科嗤了一声。「你离老师不能再远了。」金发男孩稍微凑近了些。「对了，你对德里克那帮人说的话，是真的吗？」
"Who's Derrick?"
「德里克是谁？」
"You hit him with a pie?"
「你拿馅饼砸了他？」
"Two pies, actually. What am I supposed to have said to him?"
「其实是砸了两个。据说我跟他说了什么？」
"That he wasn't doing anything cunning or ambitious and he was a disgrace to Salazar Slytherin." Draco was staring intently at Harry.
「说他做的事既不精明也没什么志向，说他是萨拉查·斯莱特林的耻辱。」德拉科紧盯着哈利。
"That... sounds about right," Harry said. "I think it was more like, 'is this some kind of incredibly clever plot that will gain you a future advantage or is it really as much of a disgrace to the memory of Salazar Slytherin as it looks like' or something like that. I don't remember the exact words."
「嗯……差不多吧，」哈利说，「我记得更像是：『这是某种特别高明的算计、将来能给你带来好处呢，还是真的就跟看上去一样，丢尽了萨拉查·斯莱特林的颜面』，大概是这样。具体用词我记不清了。」
"You're confusing everyone, you know," said the blonde-haired boy.
「你知道吗，你把所有人都搞糊涂了，」金发男孩说。
"Huh?" Harry said in honest confusion.
「啊？」哈利是真没听懂。
"Warrington said that spending a long time under the Sorting Hat is one of the warning signs of a major Dark Wizard. Everyone was talking about it, wondering if they should start sucking up to you just in case. Then you went and protected a bunch of Hufflepuffs, for Merlin's sake. Then you told Derrick he's a disgrace to Salazar Slytherin's memory! What's anyone supposed to think?"
「沃林顿说，在分院帽底下待得太久，是日后成为大黑巫师的征兆之一。大家都在议论这事，琢磨要不要以防万一先来巴结你。结果你倒好，去护着一群赫奇帕奇，看在梅林的份上。然后你又告诉德里克他丢了萨拉查·斯莱特林的脸！这让人该怎么想？」
"That the Sorting Hat decided to put me in the House of 'Slytherin! Just kidding! Ravenclaw!' and I've been acting accordingly."
「就说分院帽把我分进了『斯莱特林！开玩笑的！拉文克劳！』学院，我一直照着它说的做啊。」
Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle both giggled, causing Mr. Goyle to quickly clap a hand to his mouth.
克拉布先生和高尔先生都笑出了声，高尔先生赶紧用手捂住嘴。
"We'd better go get our seats," Draco said. He hesitated, straightened a bit, spoke a bit more fomally. "But I do want to continue our last conversation and I accept your conditions."
「我们该去找座位了，」德拉科说。他犹豫了一下，挺直了身子，语气正式了些。「不过上次的谈话我很想继续，你的条件我接受。」
Harry nodded. "Would you mind terribly if I waited until Saturday afternoon? I'm in a bit of a contest right now."
哈利点点头。「如果我要等到星期六下午，你会不会特别介意？我现在正跟人比着一样东西。」
"A contest?"
「比什么？」
"See if I can read all my textbooks as fast as Hermione Granger did."
「看我能不能像赫敏·格兰杰那样快地把课本全读完。」
"Granger," Draco echoed. His eyes narrowed. "The mudblood who thinks she's Merlin? If you're trying to show her up then all Slytherin wishes you the very best luck, Potter, and I won't bother you 'til Saturday." Draco inclined his head respectfully, and wandered off, tailed by his minions.
「格兰杰，」德拉科重复了一遍，眯起眼睛。「那个自以为梅林的泥巴种？你要是想在她面前露一手，整个斯莱特林都衷心祝你好运，波特，在那之前我不打扰你。」德拉科礼貌地点了下头，转身走开，两个跟班跟在后面。
Oh, this is going to be so much fun to juggle, I can already tell.
哦，我已经看出来了，在两边之间来回周旋会好玩得很。
The classroom was filling up rapidly now with all four colors of trim: green, red, yellow, and blue. Draco and his two friends seemed to be in the midst of trying to acquire three contiguous front-row seats - already occupied, of course. Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle were looming vigorously, but it didn't seem to be having much effect.
教室里的人越来越多，四种颜色的镶边都齐了：绿、红、黄、蓝。德拉科和两个朋友似乎正在想办法弄到前排连着三个座位——当然，那儿已经有人坐了。克拉布先生和高尔先生卖力地摆着架势，但好像没什么效果。
Harry bent over his Defence textbook and continued reading.
哈利埋头继续读他的防御术课本。
At 2:35PM, when most of the seats were taken and no one else seemed to be coming in, Professor Quirrell gave a sudden jerk in his chair and sat up straight, and his face appeared on all the flat, white rectangular objects that were propped up on the students' desks.
下午两点三十五分，座位差不多坐满、也不再有人进来的时候，奇洛教授在椅子里猛地一抽，坐直了身子，他的脸出现在学生们课桌上立着的所有扁平白色长方形物体上。
Harry was taken by surprise, both by the sudden appearance of Professor Quirrell's face and by the resemblance to Muggle television. There was something both nostalgic and sad about that, it seemed so much like a piece of home and yet it wasn't really...
哈利吓了一跳，一半是因为奇洛教授的脸突然出现，一半是因为那东西太像麻瓜的电视。这里头既有某种怀念，也有某种伤感：它看着像是家里的一件东西，可其实又不是……
"Good afternoon, my young apprentices," said Professor Quirrell. His voice seemed to come from the desk screen and to be speaking directly to Harry. "Welcome to your first lesson in Battle Magic, as the founders of Hogwarts would have put it; or, as it happens to be called in the late twentieth century, Defence Against the Dark Arts."
「下午好，我年轻的学徒们，」奇洛教授说。他的声音像是从桌上的屏幕里传出来，而且直接冲哈利说话。「欢迎来上你们的第一堂战斗魔法课——霍格沃茨的创办人当年就是这么称呼它的；至于二十世纪后期人们给它起的名字，是黑魔法防御术。」
There was a certain amount of frantic scrabbling as students, taken by surprise, reached for their parchment or notebooks.
学生们吃了一惊，一阵手忙脚乱地去摸羊皮纸或笔记本。
"No," Professor Quirrell said. "Don't bother writing down what this subject was once called. No such pointless question will count toward your marks in any of my lessons. That is a promise."
「不必，」奇洛教授说，「这门课以前叫什么，你们不用费心记下来。在我的课上，这种毫无意义的问题永远不会算进你们的分数。我保证。」
Many students sat straight up at that, looking rather shocked.
不少学生一听这话，都坐直了身子，神情相当震动。
Professor Quirrell was smiling thinly. "Those of you who have wasted time by reading your useless first-year Defence textbooks -"
奇洛教授淡淡一笑。「那些浪费时间读了你们那本没用的一年级防御术课本的人——」
Someone made a choking sound. Harry wondered if it was Hermione.
有人发出一声呛咳。哈利很好奇那是不是赫敏。
"- may have gotten the impression that although this subject is called Defence Against the Dark Arts, it is actually about how to defend against Nightmare Butterflies, which cause mildly bad dreams, or Acid Slugs, which can dissolve all the way through a two-inch wooden beam given most of a day."
「——也许会留下这样的印象：这门课虽然叫黑魔法防御术，实际上教的是怎么防噩梦蝴蝶——它能让人做点不太好的梦——或者怎么防酸液蛞蝓——给它大半天时间，它能一路腐蚀穿两英寸厚的木梁。」
Professor Quirrell stood up, shoving his chair back from the desk. The screen on Harry's desk followed his every move. Professor Quirrell strode towards the front of the classroom, and bellowed:
奇洛教授站起身，把椅子往后一推。哈利桌上的屏幕跟着他的每个动作。奇洛教授大步走到教室前方，吼道：
"The Hungarian Horntail is taller than a dozen men! It breathes fire so quickly and so accurately that it can melt a Snitch in midflight! One Killing Curse will bring it down!"
「匈牙利树蜂比十二个人叠起来还高！它喷火又快又准，能在飞行途中把金色飞贼烧化！一发死咒就能让它倒下！」
There were gasps from the students.
学生们一片抽气声。
"The Mountain Troll is more dangerous than the Hungarian Horntail! It is strong enough to bite through steel! Its hide is resistant enough to withstand Stunning Hexes and Cutting Charms! Its sense of smell is so acute that it can tell from afar whether its prey is part of a pack, or alone and vulnerable! Most fearsome of all, the troll is unique among magical creatures in continuously maintaining a form of Transfiguration on itself - it is always transforming into its own body. If you somehow succeed in ripping off its arm it will grow another within seconds! Fire and acid will produce scar tissue which can temporarily confuse a troll's regenerative powers - for an hour or two! They are smart enough to use clubs as tools! The mountain troll is the third most perfect killing machine in all Nature! One Killing Curse will bring it down."
「山地巨怪比匈牙利树蜂更危险！它一口就能咬穿钢铁！它的皮厚得能扛住昏迷术和切割术！它的嗅觉灵敏到能从远处分辨出猎物是成群结队，还是落单可欺！最可怕的是，在所有魔法生物里，只有巨怪一直在给自己维持着一种变形术——它始终在把自己变回自己本来的身体。你要是真把它的一条胳膊扯下来，几秒钟之内它就会长出新的！火和酸造成的疤组织能暂时扰乱巨怪的再生能力——也就管得了一两个钟头！它们聪明到会把木棒当工具用！山地巨怪是自然界第三完美的杀戮机器！一发死咒就能让它倒下。」
The students were looking rather shocked.
学生们一脸震惊。
Professor Quirrell was smiling rather grimly. "Your sad excuse for a third-year Defence textbook will suggest to you that you expose the mountain troll to sunlight, which will freeze it in place. This, my young apprentices, is the sort of useless knowledge you will never find in my lessons. You do not encounter mountain trolls in open daylight! The idea that you should use sunlight to stop them is the result of foolish textbook authors trying to show off their mastery of minutia at the expense of practicality. Just because there is a ridiculously obscure way of dealing with mountain trolls does not mean you should actually try to use it! The Killing Curse is unblockable, unstoppable, and works every single time on anything with a brain. If, as an adult wizard, you find yourself incapable of using the Killing Curse, then you can simply Apparate away! Likewise if you are facing the second most perfect killing machine, a Dementor. You just Apparate away!"
奇洛教授笑得很冷。「你们那本糟糕透顶的三年级防御术课本会建议你们把山地巨怪拖到太阳底下，它就会当场僵住。我年轻的学徒们，这种没用的知识永远不会出现在我的课上。大白天你根本碰不上山地巨怪！拿阳光对付巨怪这种主意，是愚蠢的课本作者为了炫耀自己知道的那点细枝末节、不惜牺牲实用性搞出来的。仅仅因为存在一种荒唐到没人知道的对付山地巨怪的办法，并不意味着你真该去用！死咒挡不住、停不下，对任何有脑子的东西次次管用。等你成了成年巫师，如果发现自己用不出死咒，那就干脆幻影显形离开！如果你面对的是第二完美的杀戮机器，摄魂怪，也一样。干脆幻影显形离开！」
"Unless, of course," Professor Quirrell said, his voice now lower and harder, "you are under the influence of an anti-Apparition jinx. No, there is exactly one monster which can threaten you once you are fully grown. The single most dangerous monster in all the world, so dangerous that nothing else comes close. The Dark Wizard. That is the only thing that will still be able to threaten you."
「当然，除非，」奇洛教授的声音压得更低、更硬，「你正处在反幻影显形咒的影响之下。不，等你们完全长大以后，真正能威胁到你们的怪物只有一种。全世界最危险的那一种，危险到别的任何东西都望尘莫及。黑巫师。那是唯一还能威胁到你的东西。」
Professor Quirrell's lips were set in a thin line. "I will reluctantly teach you enough trivia for a passing mark on the Ministry-mandated portions of your first-year finals. Since your exact mark on these sections will make no difference to your future life, anyone who wants more than a passing mark is welcome to waste their own time studying our pathetic excuse for a textbook. The title of this subject is not Defence Against Minor Pests. You are here to learn how to defend yourselves against the Dark Arts. Which means, let us be very clear on this, defending yourselves against Dark Wizards. People with wands who want to hurt you and who will likely succeed in doing so unless you hurt them first! There is no defence without offence! There is no defence without fighting! This reality is deemed too harsh for eleven-year-olds by the fat, overpaid, Auror-guarded politicians who mandated your curriculum. To the abyss with those fools! You are here for the subject that has been taught at Hogwarts for eight hundred years! Welcome to your first year of Battle Magic!"
奇洛教授抿紧了嘴唇。「我会勉为其难地教你们一点琐碎知识，让你们在魔法部规定的期末考部分考个及格。既然你们在这些部分拿多少分都不会影响将来的人生，想要更高分的人，欢迎自己浪费时间去看我们那本可怜巴巴的课本。这门课的名字不叫『小害虫防御术』。你们来这儿是要学怎么防黑魔法。也就是说——这话我要说得很清楚——学怎么防黑巫师。那些拿着魔杖、想伤害你们的人，多半会得手，除非你们先伤到他们！没有进攻就没有防御！不打就没有防御！这个现实，在那些脑满肠肥、拿着高薪、被傲罗层层保护的政客看来，对十一岁的孩子太残酷了，所以他们定下了你们的课程表。让那些蠢货见鬼去吧！你们来上的是霍格沃茨教了八百年的那门课！欢迎来到你们一年级的战斗魔法！」
Harry started applauding. He couldn't help himself, it was too inspiring.
哈利鼓起掌来。他控制不住，实在太振奋人心了。
Once Harry started clapping there was some scattered response from Gryffindor, and more from Slytherin, but most students simply seemed too stunned to react.
哈利一开始鼓掌，格兰芬多那边就稀稀拉拉跟上了，斯莱特林那边跟的人更多，但大多数学生似乎只是惊得反应不过来。
Professor Quirrell made a cutting gesture, and the applause died instantly. "Thank you very much," said Professor Quirrell. "Now to practicalities. I have combined all my first-year Battle classes into one, which allows me to offer you twice as much classroom time as Doubles sessions -"
奇洛教授做了个制止的手势，掌声立刻停了。「非常感谢，」奇洛教授说，「现在说点实际的。我把所有一年级的战斗魔法课并成了一门，这样给你们的课时就是双课时连上的两倍——」
There were gasps of horror.
一片惊恐的抽气声。
"- an increased load which I will make up to you by not assigning any homework."
「——多出来的这份负担，我用不留任何课后作业来补偿你们。」
The gasps of horror cut off abruptly.
惊恐的抽气声戛然而止。
"Yes, you heard me correctly. I will teach you to fight, not to write twelve inches on fighting due Monday."
「是的，你们没听错。我要教你们怎么打，而不是让你们写十二英寸长的论文谈怎么打，还周一就得交。」
Harry desperately wished he'd sat next to Hermione so he could see the look on her face now, but on the other hand he was pretty sure he was imagining it accurately.
哈利真恨不得自己坐到了赫敏旁边，好看看她现在是什么表情；不过话说回来，他相当确定自己想象得很准。
Also Harry was in love. It would be a three-way wedding: him, the Time-Turner, and Professor Quirrell.
而且哈利恋爱了。这会是三个人的婚礼：他、时间转换器，还有奇洛教授。
"For those of you who so choose, I have arranged some after-school activities that I think you will find quite interesting as well as educational. Do you want to show the world your own abilities instead of watching fourteen other people play Quidditch? More than seven people can fight in an army."
「愿意参加的同学，我安排了一些课后活动，我想你们会觉得既有趣又有教益。你是想向全世界展示你自己的本事，而不是看另外十四个人打魁地奇？一支军队里能打仗的人远不止七个。」
Hot damn.
太棒了。
"These and other after-school activities will also earn you Quirrell points. What are Quirrell points, you ask? The House point system does not suit my needs, because it makes House points too rare. I prefer to let my students know how they are doing more frequently than that. And on the rare occasions I offer you a written test, it will mark itself as you go along, and if you get too many related questions wrong, your test will show the names of students who got those questions right, and those students will be able to earn Quirrell points by helping you."
「这些以及其它课后活动同样能给你们挣奇洛分。你问什么是奇洛分？学院分这套制度不合我的需要，因为学院分太稀罕了。我希望我的学生比那更经常地知道自己学得怎么样。另外，在我难得给你们安排笔试的时候，卷子会边写边判；要是你在互相关联的题目上错得太多，卷面上会列出答对这些题的学生名字，而那些学生可以通过帮你的忙挣到奇洛分。」
...wow. Why didn't the other professors use a system like that?
……哇。别的教授怎么不用这样的制度呢？
"What good are Quirrell points, you wonder? For a start, ten Quirrell points will be worth one House point. But they will earn you other favors as well. Would you like to take your exam at an unusual time? Is there a particular session you would very much prefer to skip? You will find that I can be very flexible on behalf of students who have accumulated enough Quirrell points. Quirrell points will control the generalship of the armies. And for Christmas - just before the Christmas break - I will grant someone a wish. Any school-related feat that lies within my power, my influence, or above all, my ingenuity. Yes, I was in Slytherin and I am offering to formulate a cunning plot on your behalf, if that is what it takes to accomplish your desire. This wish will go to whoever has earned the most Quirrell points within all seven years."
「奇洛分有什么用，你在想吧？首先，十个奇洛分能换一个学院分。但它们还能给你挣到别的方便。想换个不寻常的时间考试？有哪节课你特别想翘掉？你会发现，对于攒够了奇洛分的学生，我是非常好说话的。奇洛分还会决定军队的指挥权。至于圣诞节——就在圣诞假期之前——我会满足一个人的一个愿望。任何校内做得到的事，只要在我的能力、我的影响力、尤其是我的聪明才智范围之内。没错，我当年是斯莱特林，只要能达到你的愿望，我不介意替你设计一个周密的计划。这个愿望会颁给七个年级里攒到最多奇洛分的那一个。」
That would be Harry.
那个人会是哈利。
"Now leave your books and loose items at your desks - they will be safe, the screens will watch over them for you - and come down onto this platform. It's time to play a game called Who's the Most Dangerous Student in the Classroom."
「现在把书和零碎东西都留在座位上——它们很安全，桌上的屏幕会替你们看着——然后下到这个平台上来。该玩一个叫『谁是教室里最危险的学生』的游戏了。」
Harry twisted his wand in his right hand and said "Ma-ha-su!"
哈利用右手一转魔杖，说：「马哈苏！」
There was another high-pitched "bing" from the floating blue sphere that Professor Quirrell had assigned to Harry as his target. That particular sound meant a perfect strike, which Harry had been gotten on nine out of his last ten attempts.
奇洛教授分配给哈利当靶子的那个飘浮蓝球又发出了一声尖细的「乒」。这一声代表完美命中，哈利最近十次里有九次都做到了。
Somewhere Professor Quirrell had dug up a spell that was incredibly easy to pronounce, and had a ridiculously simple wand motion, and had a tendency to hit wherever you were currently looking at. Professor Quirrell had disdainfully proclaimed that real battle magic was far more difficult than this. That the hex was entirely useless in actual combat. That it was a barely ordered burst of magic whose only real content was the aiming, and that it would produce, when it hit, a pain briefly equivalent to being punched hard in the nose. That the sole purpose of this test was to see who was a fast learner, since Professor Quirrell was certain no one would have previously encountered this hex or anything like it.
这个咒语不知是奇洛教授从哪儿翻出来的：发音容易得要命，而且魔杖动作简单到可笑，而且打哪儿全看你现在看着哪儿。奇洛教授曾不屑地宣布，真正的战斗魔法比这难得多。说这个咒语在实战里毫无用处。说它只是一团勉强算有秩序的魔力，唯一的内容就是瞄准，打中人以后的疼痛相当于结结实实挨了一拳，片刻即消。说这个测试唯一的目的是看谁学得快，因为奇洛教授确信以前没人见过这个咒语，也没见过类似的东西。
Harry didn't care about any of that.
这些哈利统统不在乎。
"Ma-ha-su!"
「马哈苏！」
A red bolt of energy shot out of his wand and struck the target and the blue sphere once again made the bing which meant the spell had actually worked for him.
一道红色的能量束从魔杖里射出去，击中目标，蓝球再次发出那声「乒」——代表这法术在他手里真的成了。
Harry was feeling like a real wizard for the first time since he'd come to Hogwarts. He wished the target would dodge like the little spheres that Ben Kenobi had used for training Luke, but for some reason Professor Quirrell had instead lined up all the students and targets in neat orders which made sure they wouldn't fire on each other.
这是哈利来到霍格沃茨之后第一次觉得自己真的是个巫师。他希望靶子能像本·克诺比训练卢克时用的那些小球一样会躲闪，可不知道为什么，奇洛教授只是把学生和靶子排成一列列整齐的队伍，好确保没人会朝别人开火。
So Harry lowered his wand, skipped to the right, snapped up his wand and twisted and shouted "Ma-ha-su!"
于是哈利放下魔杖，向右一跳，抄起魔杖一拧，喊道：「马哈苏！」
There was a lower-pitched "dong" which meant he'd gotten it almost right.
传来一声更低的「咚」，意思是差一点就打中了。
Harry put his wand into his pocket, skipped back to the left and drew and fired another red bolt of energy.
哈利把魔杖塞进口袋，向左一跳，拔出魔杖又射出一道红色能量。
The high-pitched bing which resulted was easily one of the most satisfying sounds he'd heard in his life. Harry wanted to scream in triumph at the top of his lungs. I CAN DO MAGIC! FEAR ME, LAWS OF PHYSICS, I'M COMING TO VIOLATE YOU!
随之而来的那声尖细的「乒」，是他这辈子听过的最令人满意的声音之一。哈利想扯着嗓子胜利地尖叫。我会魔法！颤抖吧，物理定律，我要来违反你们了！
"Ma-ha-su!" Harry's voice was loud, but hardly noticeable over the steady chant of similar cries from around the classroom platform.
「马哈苏！」哈利的嗓门很大，可在整个平台上一片此起彼伏的同样喊声里，几乎听不出来。
"Enough," said Professor Quirrell's amplified voice. (It didn't sound loud. It sounded like normal volume, coming from just behind your left shoulder, no matter where you were standing relative to Professor Quirrell.) "I see that all of you have succeeded at least once now." The target-spheres turned red and began to drift up towards the ceiling.
「够了，」奇洛教授说，他的声音被放大了。（听上去并不响。就是正常的音量，像从你左肩正后方传来，不管你站在哪儿、离奇洛教授有多远。）「我看到你们现在每个人都至少成功过一次了。」作为靶子的球体变红，开始缓缓向天花板飘去。
Professor Quirrell was standing on the raised dais in the center of the platform, leaning slightly on his teacher's desk with one hand.
奇洛教授站在平台中央那方凸起的讲台上，一只手虚搭在教师桌上。
"I told you," Professor Quirrell said, "that we would play a game called Who's the Most Dangerous Student in the Classroom. There is one student in this classroom who mastered the Sumerian Simple Strike Hex faster than anyone else -"
「我说过，」奇洛教授说，「我们要玩一个叫『谁是教室里最危险的学生』的游戏。这间教室里有一个学生，比谁都快地掌握了苏美尔简单攻击咒——」
Oh blah blah blah.
哦，巴拉巴拉巴拉。
"- and went on to help seven other students. For which she has earned the first seven Quirrell points awarded to your year. Come forth, Hermione Granger. It is time for the next stage of the game."
「——接着又帮了另外七个学生。为此她拿到了你们这个年级的头七个奇洛分。请上前来，赫敏·格兰杰。游戏该进入下一阶段了。」
Hermione Granger began striding forwards, a mixed look of triumph and apprehension on her face. The Ravenclaws looked on proudly, the Slytherins with glares, and Harry with frank annoyance. Harry had done fine this time. He was probably even in the upper half of the class, now that everyone had been faced with an equally unfamiliar spell and Harry had read all the way through Adalbert Waffling's Magical Theory. And yet Hermione was still doing better.
赫敏·格兰杰大步走上前去，脸上的神情既像得意，又像不安。拉文克劳们骄傲地看着，斯莱特林们瞪着眼，哈利则是一脸毫不掩饰的恼火。这次哈利表现得不差。既然碰上的是一个谁都没学过的咒语，而哈利已经从头读完了阿德贝·沃夫林的《魔法理论》，他大概能排进全班上半段。可赫敏还是做得更好。
Somewhere in the back of his mind was the fear that Hermione was simply smarter than him.
他心底某个地方一直在怕：赫敏就是比他聪明。
But for now Harry was going to pin his hopes on the known facts that (a) Hermione had read a lot more than the standard textbooks and (b) Adalbert Waffling was an uninspired sod who'd written Magical Theory to pander to a school board that didn't think much of eleven-year-olds.
不过眼下哈利打算把希望押在两个已知事实上：（a）赫敏读过的书远远不止标准课本；（b）阿德贝·沃夫林是个毫无灵气的蠢货，写《魔法理论》只是为了讨好一个根本看不上十一岁孩子的校董会。
Hermione reached the central dais and stepped up.
赫敏走到中央的讲台前，踏了上去。
"Hermione Granger mastered a completely unfamiliar spell in two minutes, almost a full minute faster than the next runner-up." Professor Quirrell turned slowly in place to look at all the students watching them. "Could Miss Granger's intelligence make her the most dangerous student in the classroom? Well? What do you think?"
「赫敏·格兰杰用两分钟掌握了一个她完全陌生的咒语，比第二名差不多快了一整分钟。」奇洛教授慢慢原地转身，看着周围所有学生。「格兰杰小姐的聪明，会不会让她成为教室里最危险的学生？嗯？你们怎么看？」
No one seemed to be thinking anything at the moment. Even Harry wasn't sure what to say.
这一刻似乎没人有什么想法。连哈利都不知道该说什么。
"Let's find out, shall we?" said Professor Quirrell. He turned back to Hermione, and gestured toward the wider class. "Select any student you like and cast the Simple Strike Hex on them."
「那我们就来弄个明白，好不好？」奇洛教授说。他转回身对着赫敏，朝底下全班做了个手势。「随便挑一个学生，把简单攻击咒用在他身上。」
Hermione froze where she stood.
赫敏僵在原地。
"Come now," Professor Quirrell said smoothly. "You have cast this spell perfectly over fifty times. It is not permanently harmful or even all that painful. It hurts as much as a hard punch and lasts only a few seconds." Professor Quirrell's voice grew harder. "This is a direct order from your professor, Miss Granger. Choose a target and fire a Simple Strike Hex."
「来吧，」奇洛教授语气圆滑，「这个咒语你已经完美地施了五十多次。它不会造成永久伤害，甚至都没多疼。疼起来跟被狠狠打一拳差不多，只持续几秒钟。」奇洛教授的声音转硬。「这是你的教授给你的直接命令，格兰杰小姐。选一个目标，施出简单攻击咒。」
Hermione's face was screwed up in horror and her wand was trembling in her hand. Harry's own fingers were clenching his own wand hard in sympathy. Even though he could see what Professor Quirrell was trying to do. Even though he could see the point Professor Quirrell was trying to make.
赫敏的脸因恐惧皱成一团，魔杖在她手里发抖。哈利感同身受地攥紧了自己的魔杖——尽管他看得出奇洛教授想做什么。尽管他看得出奇洛教授想说明什么。
"If you do not raise your wand and fire, Miss Granger, you will lose a Quirrell point."
「如果你不举起魔杖开火，格兰杰小姐，你会被扣掉一个奇洛分。」
Harry stared at Hermione, willing her to look in his direction. His right hand was softly tapping his own chest. Pick me, I'm not afraid...
哈利盯着赫敏，用眼神催她看过来。他的右手轻轻点着自己的胸口。选我，我不怕……
Hermione's wand twitched in her hand; then her face relaxed, and she lowered her wand to her side.
赫敏的魔杖在手里抽动了一下；然后她的表情松弛下来，把魔杖垂到了身侧。
"No," said Hermione Granger.
「不，」赫敏·格兰杰说。
Her voice was calm, and even though it wasn't loud, everyone heard it in the silence.
她的声音很平静，虽然不大，在那样一片寂静里却人人都听见了。
"Then I must deduct one point from you," said Professor Quirrell. "This is a test, and you have failed it."
「那我就必须扣你一分，」奇洛教授说。「这是一场测试，而你没能通过。」
That reached her. Harry could see it. But she kept her shoulders straight.
这话击中了她。哈利看得出。可她的肩膀一直挺着。
Professor Quirrell's voice was sympathetic and seemed to fill the whole room. "Knowing things isn't always enough, Miss Granger. If you cannot give and receive violence on the order of stubbing your toe, then you cannot defend yourself and you will not pass Defence. Please rejoin your classmates."
奇洛教授的声音带着同情，仿佛填满了整间教室。「光知道是不够的，格兰杰小姐。如果你连脚趾被撞一下这种程度的暴力都给不出、也受不了，那你就保护不了自己，防御术这门课你过不了。请回到你的同学中间去。」
Hermione walked back towards the Ravenclaw cluster. Her face looked peaceful and Harry, for some odd reason, wanted to start clapping. Even though Professor Quirrell had been right.
赫敏走回拉文克劳那一群。她的脸看上去很平静，而哈利出于某种奇怪的原因想鼓掌。尽管奇洛教授说得对。
"So," Professor Quirrell said. "It becomes clear that Hermione Granger is not the most dangerous student in the classroom. Who do you think might actually be the most dangerous person here? - besides me, of course."
「那么，」奇洛教授说，「事情很清楚了，赫敏·格兰杰不是教室里最危险的学生。你们觉得这里真正最危险的人可能是谁？——当然，除了我以外。」
Without even thinking, Harry turned to look at the Slytherin contingent.
哈利想都没想，就转头去看斯莱特林那一群。
"Draco, of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Malfoy," said Professor Quirrell. "It seems that many of your fellow pupils are looking in your direction. Come forth, if you would."
「德拉科，出身高贵而最古老的马尔福家族，」奇洛教授说。「看来你不少同学都在往你那边看。如果你愿意，请上前来。」
Draco did so, walking with a certain pride in his bearing. He stepped onto the dais and looked up at Professor Quirrell with a smile.
德拉科照做了，步态里带着某种骄傲。他踏上讲台，抬头冲奇洛教授一笑。
"Mr. Malfoy," Professor Quirrell said. "Fire."
「马尔福先生，」奇洛教授说，「开火。」
Harry would have tried to stop it if there'd been time but in one smooth motion Draco spun on the Ravenclaw contingent and raised his wand and said "Mahasu!" like it was all one syllable and Hermione was saying "Ow!" and that was that.
如果有时间，哈利会试着拦住的，可德拉科一个流畅的动作就转身朝向拉文克劳那一群，举起魔杖念了声「马哈苏」，快得像整个词只有一个音节，然后赫敏「嗷」了一声，事情就结束了。
"Well struck," said Professor Quirrell. "Two Quirrell points to you. But tell me, why did you target Miss Granger?"
「打得漂亮，」奇洛教授说。「给你两个奇洛分。不过告诉我，你为什么挑格兰杰小姐？」
There was a pause.
一阵沉默。
Finally Draco said, "Because she stood out the most."
最后德拉科说：「因为她最显眼。」
Professor Quirrell's lips turned up in a thin smile. "And that is the true reason why Draco Malfoy is dangerous. Had he selected any other, that child would more likely resent being singled out, and Mr. Malfoy would more probably make an enemy. And while Mr. Malfoy might have given some other justification for selecting her, that would have served him no purpose save to alienate some of you, while others are already cheering him whether he says anything or not. Which is to say that Mr. Malfoy is dangerous because he knows who to strike and who not to strike, how to make allies and avoid making enemies. Two more Quirrell points to you, Mr. Malfoy. And as you have demonstrated an exemplary virtue of Slytherin, I think that Salazar's House has earned a point as well. You may rejoin your friends."
奇洛教授的嘴角翘起一个淡淡的笑。「而这就是德拉科·马尔福危险的原因。他要是挑了别人，那孩子更可能对被单独拎出来心怀怨恨，马尔福先生也就更可能多出一个敌人。而马尔福先生就算为挑她给出别的理由，那也只会得罪你们当中的一些人，却毫无用处——另外一些人不管他说什么，早就在为他喝彩了。也就是说，马尔福先生之所以危险，是因为他知道该打谁、不该打谁，知道怎么交朋友、怎么不结仇。再给你两个奇洛分，马尔福先生。既然你展示了斯莱特林的一项典范美德，我想萨拉查的学院也该得一分。你可以回到朋友中间去了。」
Draco bowed slightly and walked back to the Slytherin contingent. Some clapping started from the green-trimmed robes, but Professor Quirrell made a cutting gesture and silence fell again.
德拉科微微躬身，走回斯莱特林那一群。绿边袍子里响起一些掌声，但奇洛教授做了个制止的手势，教室又安静下来。
"It might seem that our game is done," said Professor Quirrell. "And yet there is a single student in this classroom who is more dangerous than the scion of Malfoy."
「我们的游戏看起来就到此为止了，」奇洛教授说，「可这间教室里，还有一个学生比马尔福家的继承人更危险。」
And now for some reason there seemed to be an awful lot of people looking at...
而这一次，不知道为什么，有好多人在看……
"Harry Potter. Come forth."
「哈利·波特。上前来。」
This did not bode well.
这可不像什么好兆头。
Harry reluctantly walked towards where Professor Quirrell stood on his raised dais, still leaning slightly against his teacher's desk.
哈利不情愿地走向奇洛教授站着的讲台，教授仍然一只手虚搭在教师桌上。
The nervousness of being put into the spotlight seemed to be sharpening Harry's wits as he approached the dais, and his mind was ruffling through possibilities for what Professor Quirrell might think could demonstrate Harry's dangerousness. Would he be asked to cast a spell? To defeat a Dark Lord?
被推到众人目光之下的紧张感，好像反而让哈利脑子转得更快。他一边走向讲台，一边在心里翻找各种可能：奇洛教授会认为什么能证明他危险？会让他施什么咒吗？打败一个黑魔王？
Demonstrate his supposed immunity to the Killing Curse? Surely Professor Quirrell was too smart for that...
表演一下他对死咒的免疫？奇洛教授总不至于蠢到那份上……
Harry stopped well short of the dais, and Professor Quirrell didn't ask him to come any closer.
哈利在离讲台还很远的地方就停住，奇洛教授也没叫他再靠近。
"The irony is," said Professor Quirrell, "you all looked at the right person for entirely the wrong reasons. You are thinking," Professor Quirrell's lips twisted, "that Harry Potter has defeated the Dark Lord, and so must be very dangerous. Bah. He was one year old. Whatever quirk of fate killed the Dark Lord likely had little to do with Mr. Potter's abilities as a fighter. But after I heard rumors of one Ravenclaw facing down five older Slytherins, I interviewed several eyewitnesses and came to the conclusion that Harry Potter would be my most dangerous student."
「讽刺的是，」奇洛教授说，「你们看对了人，理由却完全错了。你们在想，」奇洛教授的嘴角一扭，「哈利·波特打败了黑魔王，所以他一定非常危险。呸。他当时才一岁。不管是什么命运的小把戏杀死了黑魔王，都很可能跟波特先生的战斗能力没什么关系。可等我听说一个拉文克劳独自顶住了五个高年级斯莱特林之后，我找了几位目击者问话，得出的结论是：哈利·波特会是我最危险的学生。」
A jolt of adrenaline poured into Harry's system, making him stand up straighter. He didn't know what conclusion Professor Quirrell had come to, but that couldn't be good.
一股肾上腺素冲进哈利体内，让他站得更直了。他不知道奇洛教授得出的结论是什么，但那肯定不会是好事。
"Ah, Professor Quirrell -" Harry started to say.
「啊，奇洛教授——」哈利开口说。
Professor Quirrell looked amused. "You're thinking that I've come up with a wrong answer, aren't you, Mr. Potter? You will learn to expect better of me." Professor Quirrell straightened from where he had leaned on the desk. "Mr. Potter, all things have their accustomed uses. Give me ten unaccustomed uses of objects in this room for combat!"
奇洛教授看着觉得有趣。「你在想我搞错了，是不是，波特先生？你会学会把我想得高明一点。」奇洛教授从倚着的桌边直起身来。「波特先生，万物都有它们惯常的用途。给我说出这间教室里十种不寻常的战斗用途！」
For a moment Harry was rendered speechless by the sheer, raw shock of having been understood.
有那么一瞬间，哈利因为被人彻底看穿而震惊得说不出话来。
And then the ideas started to pour out.
然后想法就开始往外涌。
"There are desks which are heavy enough to be fatal if dropped from a great height. There are chairs with metal legs that could impale someone if driven hard enough. The air in this classroom would be deadly by its absence, since people die in vacuum, and it can serve as a carrier for poison gases."
「有些课桌重得足以在从高处砸下时致命。有些椅子的腿是金属的，用力捅过去可以刺穿一个人。这间教室里的空气一旦被抽掉也是致命的——人在真空里会死；而且空气还能充当毒气的载体。」
Harry had to stop briefly for breath, and into that pause Professor Quirrell said:
哈利不得不停下来喘口气，奇洛教授就在这个空当里说：
"That's three. You need ten. The rest of the class thinks that you've already used up the whole contents of the classroom."
「这是三种。你需要十种。班上其他人都觉得你已经把这间教室里的东西用完了。」
"Ha! The floor can be removed to create a spike pit to fall into, the ceiling can be collapsed on someone, the walls can serve as raw material for Transfiguration into any number of deadly things - knives, say."
「*哈！*地板可以移走，做成掉进去的尖刺坑；天花板可以塌下来砸中谁；墙可以作为原料，用变形术变成任何要命的东西——比如说，刀。」
"That's six. But surely you're scraping the bottom of the barrel now?"
「这是六种。不过你现在肯定是把桶底都刮干净了吧？」
"I haven't even started! Just look at all the people! Having a Gryffindor attack the enemy is an ordinary use, of course -"
「我还没开始呢！看看这些人！让一个格兰芬多去攻击敌人当然算普通用途——」
"I will not count that one."
「这个我不算。」
"- but their blood can also be used to drown someone. Ravenclaws are known for their brains, but their internal organs could be sold on the black market for enough money to hire an assassin. Slytherins aren't just useful as assassins, they can also be thrown at sufficient velocity to crush an enemy. And Hufflepuffs, in addition to being hard workers, also contain bones that can be removed, sharpened, and used to stab someone."
「——可他们的血也能用来淹死谁。拉文克劳以脑子闻名，但他们的内脏可以卖到黑市，换来的钱足够雇个刺客。斯莱特林不光能当刺客，只要以足够的速度扔出去，他们也能砸死敌人。至于赫奇帕奇，除了是任劳任怨的劳力，他们身上还有骨头可以取出来磨尖，用来捅人。」
By now the rest of the class was staring at Harry in some horror. Even the Slytherins looked shocked.
到这会儿，班上其余人都带着几分恐惧瞪着哈利。连斯莱特林们都一脸震惊。
"That's ten, though I'm being generous in counting the Ravenclaw one. Now, for extra credit, one Quirrell point for each use of objects in this room which you have not yet named." Professor Quirrell favored Harry with a companionable smile. "The rest of your class thinks you are in trouble now, since you've named everything except the targets and you have no idea what may be done with those."
「这是十种，不过最后拿拉文克劳学生凑数的那一条，我算得很宽。现在，加分环节：这间教室里你还没说过的物件，每说出一种用途，给一个奇洛分。」奇洛教授赏给哈利一个同伴般的微笑。「你班上其他人觉得你现在陷入困境了，因为你除了那些靶子什么都说了，而你根本不知道那些靶子能怎么用。」
"Bah! I've named all the people, but not my robes, which can be used to suffocate an enemy if wrapped around their head enough times, or Hermione Granger's robes, which can be torn into strips and tied into a rope and used to hang someone, or Draco Malfoy's robes, which can be used to start a fire -"
「哈！人是说完了，可我没说我的袍子——把袍子一圈圈缠在敌人头上，能闷死他；赫敏·格兰杰的袍子可以撕成布条，接成绳子，用来吊死谁；德拉科·马尔福的袍子可以拿来点火——」
"Three points," said Professor Quirrell, "no more clothing now."
「三分，」奇洛教授说，「衣服不许再说了。」
"My wand can be pushed into an enemy's brain through their eye socket" and someone made a horrified, strangling sound.
「我的魔杖可以插进敌人的眼眶，戳进他们的脑子」，有人发出一声惊恐的、像被掐住喉咙似的声音。
"Four points, no more wands."
「四分，魔杖不许再说了。」
"My wristwatch could suffocate someone if jammed down their throat -"
「我的手表要塞进别人喉咙里，也能把人噎死——」
"Five points, and enough."
「五分，够了。」
"Hmph," Harry said. "Ten Quirrell points to one House point, right? You should have let me keep going until I'd won the House Cup, I haven't even started yet on the unaccustomed uses of everything I've got in my pockets" or the mokeskin pouch itself and he couldn't talk about the Time-Turner or the invisibility cloak but there had to be something he could say about those red spheres...
「哼，」哈利说。「十个奇洛分换一个学院分，对吧？你应该让我一直说到赢下学院杯为止，我还没开始讲我口袋里那些东西的不寻常用途呢」——还有莫克皮袋本身；时间转换器和隐形衣他不能说，可那些红球总有什么是他能说出口的……
"Enough, Mr. Potter. Well, do you all think you understand what makes Mr. Potter the most dangerous student in the classroom?"
「够了，波特先生。好了，你们现在都觉得自己明白波特先生为什么会是教室里最危险的学生了吗？」
There was a low murmur of assent.
低低的一片附和声。
"Say it out loud, please. Terry Boot, what makes your dorm-mate dangerous?"
「请大声说出来。泰瑞·布特，你的室友危险在哪里？」
"Ah... um... he's creative?"
「啊……嗯……他有创造力？」
"Wrong!" bellowed Professor Quirrell, and his fist came down sharply on his desk with an amplified sound that made everyone jump. "All of Mr. Potter's ideas were worse than useless!"
「错！」奇洛教授吼道，拳头重重砸在桌子上，放大的声响让所有人都一跳。「波特先生的所有想法都比没用还糟！」
Harry started in surprise.
哈利吓了一跳。
"Remove the floor to create a spike trap? Ridiculous! In combat you do not have that sort of preparation time and if you did there would be a hundred better uses! Transfigure material from the walls? Mr. Potter cannot perform Transfiguration! Mr. Potter had exactly one idea which he could use immediately, right now, without extensive preparation or a cooperative enemy or magic he does not know. That idea was to jam his wand through his enemy's eye socket. Which would be more likely to break his wand than kill his opponent! In short, Mr. Potter, I'm afraid that your proposals were uniformly awful."
「把地板移走做个尖刺陷阱？荒唐！战斗中你没有那种准备时间，就算有，也有一百种更好的用法！从墙上取原料变形成别的东西？波特先生根本不会变形术！波特先生的点子里面，只有一个是他现在立刻就能用、不需要大量准备、不需要敌人配合、也不需要用到他还不懂的魔法的。那就是把魔杖捅进敌人的眼眶。而这更可能弄断他的魔杖，而不是杀死对手！总之，波特先生，恐怕你的方案糟得很整齐。」
"What?" Harry said indignantly. "You asked for unusual ideas, not practical ones! I was thinking outside the box! How would you use something in this classroom to kill someone?"
「什么？」哈利愤愤地说，「你要的是不寻常的想法，不是实用的想法！我那是跳出框框思考！换你，你会怎么用这间教室里的东西去杀人？」
Professor Quirrell's expression was disapproving, but there were smile crinkles around his eyes. "Mr. Potter, I never said you were to kill. There is a time and a place for taking your enemy alive, and inside a Hogwarts classroom is usually one of those places. But to answer your question, hit them on the neck with the edge of a chair."
奇洛教授的表情是不以为然的，但眼角堆着笑纹。「波特先生，我从没说过要你杀人。留敌人活口有它合适的时间和场合，而霍格沃茨的教室里通常就是这样的场合之一。不过回答你的问题：用椅子的边沿打他们的脖子。」
There was some laughter from the Slytherins, but they were laughing with Harry, not at him.
斯莱特林那边传来一些笑声，但他们是在和哈利一起笑，不是在笑他。
Everyone else was looking rather horrified.
其余所有人都是一脸骇然。
"But Mr. Potter has now demonstrated why he is the most dangerous student in the classroom. I asked for unaccustomed uses of items in this room for combat. Mr. Potter could have suggested using a desk to block a curse, or using a chair to trip an oncoming enemy, or wrapping cloth around his arm to create an improvised shield. Instead, every single use that Mr. Potter named was offensive rather than defensive, and either fatal or potentially fatal."
「但波特先生现在已经展示了他为什么是教室里最危险的学生。我要的是这间教室里物品的不寻常战斗用途。波特先生本可以建议用课桌挡咒语，用椅子绊倒冲上来的敌人，或者把布缠在手臂上做个临时盾牌。可是波特先生说出的每一种用途都是进攻性的，而不是防御性的，而且要么致命，要么可能致命。」
What? Wait, that couldn't be true... Harry had a sudden sense of vertigo as he tried to remember what exactly he'd suggested, surely there had to be a counterexample...
什么？等等，这不可能是真的……哈利突然一阵眩晕，努力回忆自己究竟建议了什么，总该有一个反例才对……
"And that," Professor Quirrell said, "is why Mr. Potter's ideas were so strange and useless - because he had to reach far into the impractical in order to meet his standard of killing the enemy. To him, any idea which fell short of that was not worth considering. This reflects a quality that we might call intent to kill. I have it. Harry Potter has it, which is how he could stare down five older Slytherins. Draco Malfoy does not have it, not yet. Mr. Malfoy would hardly shrink from talk of ordinary murder, but even he was shocked - yes you were Mr. Malfoy, I was watching your face - when Mr. Potter described how to use his classmates' bodies as raw material. There are censors inside your mind which make you flinch away from thoughts like that. Mr. Potter thinks purely of killing the enemy, he will grasp at any means to do so, he does not flinch, his censors are off. Even though his youthful genius is so undisciplined and impractical as to be useless, his intent to kill makes Harry Potter the Most Dangerous Student in the Classroom. One final point to him - no, let us make that a point to Ravenclaw - for this indispensable requisite of a true fighting wizard."
「而这，」奇洛教授说，「就是为什么波特先生的想法那么古怪、那么没用——因为他不得不一路想到极不实用的地方，才能凑够他杀死敌人的标准。对他来说，任何达不到这个标准的想法都不值得考虑。这反映了一种素质，我们可以称之为杀戮的意图。我有。哈利·波特也有，所以他能一个人顶住五个高年级斯莱特林。德拉科·马尔福没有，至少现在还没有。马尔福先生对谈论普通的谋杀不太会退缩，可连他都在波特先生描述怎么把同学的身体当原料用的时候震惊了——是的，你确实震惊了，马尔福先生，我一直在看你的脸。你脑子里有一道闸，碰上这种念头就会把你挡开。波特先生纯粹只想着杀死敌人，他会抓住任何手段，他不退缩，他脑袋里那道闸是关着的。哪怕他这份少年天才毫无纪律、不切实际到毫无用处，他的杀戮意图仍然让哈利·波特成为教室里最危险的学生。再给他最后一点——不，我们就把这一点给拉文克劳——为一名真正的战斗巫师不可或缺的这项条件。」
Harry's mouth gaped open in speechless shock as he searched frantically for something to say to this. That is so completely not what I am about!
哈利张着嘴，震惊得说不出话，拼命想找点什么来回应。那根本就不是我这个人！
But he could see that the other students were starting to believe it. Harry's mind was flipping through possible denials and not finding anything that could stand up against the authoritative voice of Professor Quirrell. The best Harry had come up with was "I'm not a psychopath, I'm just very creative" and that sounded kind of ominous. He needed to say something unexpected, something that would make people stop and reconsider -
但他看得出，其他学生已经开始信了。哈利在脑子里翻过一个又一个可能的否认，找不到任何一个能顶住奇洛教授那充满权威的声音。他能想出的最好的一句是「我不是心理变态，我只是很有创造力」，可那听起来有点不祥。他需要说点出人意料的话，让大家停下来重新想想——
"And now," Professor Quirrell said. "Mr. Potter. Fire."
「现在，」奇洛教授说，「波特先生。开火。」
Nothing happened, of course.
当然，什么也没发生。
"Ah, well," said Professor Quirrell. He sighed. "I suppose we must all start somewhere. Mr. Potter, select any student you please for a Simple Strike Hex. You will do so before I dismiss your class for the day. If you do not, I will begin deducting House points, and I will keep on deducting them until you do."
「啊，好吧，」奇洛教授叹了口气。「我想每个人总得从某个地方开始。波特先生，请随便挑一个学生施简单攻击咒。你必须在我宣布下课之前做到。如果你做不到，我就开始扣学院分，一直扣到你做为止。」
Harry carefully raised his wand. He had to do that much, or Professor Quirrell might start deducting House points right away.
哈利小心翼翼地举起魔杖。这一步他必须做，否则奇洛教授可能马上就开始扣分。
Slowly, as though on a roasting platter, Harry turned to face the Slytherins.
哈利慢慢转过身，面朝斯莱特林那边，慢得像烤架上被翻面的一块肉。
And Harry's eyes met Draco's.
哈利的目光对上了德拉科的目光。
Draco Malfoy didn't look the slightest bit afraid. The blonde-haired boy wasn't giving any visible sign of assent such as Harry had given Hermione, but then he could hardly be expected to do so. The other Slytherins would think that rather odd.
德拉科·马尔福看上去一点都不害怕。这个金发男孩没有像哈利给赫敏那样给出任何明显的默许表示，可他也没法这么做——别的斯莱特林会觉得那很怪。
"Why the hesitation?" said Professor Quirrell. "Surely there's only one obvious choice."
「犹豫什么？」奇洛教授说。「显然只有一个选择。」
"Yes," Harry said. "Only one obvious choice."
「对，」哈利说，「只有一个明显的选择。」
Harry twisted the wand and said "Ma-ha-su!"
哈利一转魔杖，说：「马哈苏！」
There was complete silence in the classroom.
教室里一片彻底的寂静。
Harry shook his left arm, trying to get rid of the lingering sting.
哈利甩了甩左臂，想把残留的刺痛甩掉。
There was more silence.
又是一片寂静。
Finally Professor Quirrell sighed. "Yes, quite ingenious, but there was a lesson to be taught and you dodged it. One point from Ravenclaw for showing off your own cleverness at the expense of the actual goal. Class dismissed."
最后奇洛教授叹了口气。「是，相当机灵。可我本来要教一课，被你躲过去了。为了炫耀自己的聪明、把真正的目的丢在一边，扣拉文克劳一分。下课。」
And before anyone else could say anything, Harry sang out:
没等别人开口，哈利就大声唱了出来：
"Just kidding! RAVENCLAW!"
「开玩笑的！拉文克劳！」
There was silence for a brief moment after that, a sound of people thinking, and then the murmurs started and rapidly rose to a roar of conversation.
之后有短暂一刻的寂静，静得几乎能听见人们在消化这句话，然后低语开始，迅速涨成一片轰然的交谈。
Harry turned towards Professor Quirrell, the two of them needed to talk -
哈利转向奇洛教授，他们俩需要谈谈——
Quirrell had slumped over and was trudging back to his chair.
奇洛已经瘫了下去，拖着脚步走回自己的椅子。
No. Not acceptable. They really needed to talk. Stuff the zombie act, Professor Quirrell would probably wake up if Harry poked him a couple of times. Harry started forward -
不行。这不能接受。他们真的需要谈谈。别管那套僵尸表演了，哈利只要戳他两下，奇洛教授大概就会醒过来。哈利往前迈步——
WRONG
DON'T
BAD IDEA
DON'T
BAD IDEA
错了
别去
糟糕的主意
别去
糟糕的主意
Harry swayed and stopped in his tracks, feeling dizzy.
哈利摇晃了一下，停住脚步，一阵眩晕。
And then a flock of Ravenclaws descended on him and the discussions began.
然后一群拉文克劳涌了过来，讨论开始了。
梗与典故
- 题词「敌人的大门就是罗琳」：这句话的原句出自奥森·斯科特·卡德《安德的游戏》。书里的战斗室没有固定重力，「下」是打出来的定义——安德给自己的新兵训话时，要全队把敌人的闸门方向当作「下」，战斗中的口令就是「敌人的大门在哪边？」「在下面！」1。本章题词把原句末词的 down 换成了作者罗琳的姓氏；这句台词从 1977 年发表在《Analog》的短篇一直延续到 1985 年的长篇2。
- 题词「我不是心理变态，我只是很有创造力」：这句出自本章正文——哈利在被奇洛判定为教室里最危险的学生之后想出的反驳——作者又把它提到了章首作题词34。
- 霍格沃茨没有几何：那间挤在五楼的阶梯教室是本书自己开的玩笑，它接的是正典里霍格沃茨房间布局说不清的设定。罗琳在 2000 年 Scholastic 的线上访谈里被问到有没有霍格沃茨的平面图，回答是她没画过，「因为楼梯和房间一直在挪，最老练的建筑师也画不出来」5；哈利·波特词典据此写得很直接：霍格沃茨的准确平面图无法绘制6。
- 「马哈苏」与苏美尔简单攻击咒：这道咒语在《哈利·波特》的正典咒语总表里查不到，是本书自创的7。它念起来接近阿卡德语动词 maḫāṣum（意为「打击、击倒」）8；作者没有就命名作过说明，这一点只是读音上的相像。
- 本·克诺比训练卢克的小球：哈利希望靶子会躲闪，参照的是《星球大战：新希望》里欧比旺训练卢克用的训练遥控器（Marksman-H training remote）——卢克戴上遮住视线的头盔，用光剑挡下它射出的光束9。「本·克诺比」是欧比旺在塔图因隐居时的化名，也是卢克最初认识他时听到的名字10。
- 阿德贝·沃夫林与《魔法理论》：哈利读过的这本书和它的作者都是正典里的：沃夫林被视为霍格沃茨的「魔法理论之父」，他写下的《魔法理论》至今还在当教材11。本书把他写成一位平庸保守、专为迎合校董会下笔的作者，是对正典人物的戏谑加工。
- 「泥巴种」与「梅林」：德拉科那句挑衅里两个词都分量很重。「泥巴种」是对麻瓜出身巫师最重的侮辱之一，正典里第一次出现就是马尔福家的孩子拿来骂赫敏12；梅林是巫师史上最有名的那位巫师，而按正典设定他是斯莱特林出身13——德拉科抬出他，用的是自家的招牌。
- 「跳出框框思考」与本章标题：本章标题「横向思维」的英文俗语版本，就是哈利在课堂上喊的那句「我那是跳出框框思考」。这个说法的确切来源不明，可查的硬信息是它和「九点谜题」（用四条直线把九个点连起来，线必须画到点阵之外）绑在一起，1971 年第一次以现在的措辞出现，此后被管理学和企业培训大量沿用14。
References
- 1Ender's Game（作者自营站原文）
hatrack.com
- 2Ender's Game - Wikipedia
en.wikipedia.org
- 3Chapter 16: Lateral Thinking - HPMOR Wiki
hpmor.fandom.com
- 4HPMOR 官方第16章
hpmor.com
- 5Sch1: First Scholastic Interview - Harry Potter Lexicon
hp-lexicon.org
- 6Hogwarts Castle - Harry Potter Lexicon
hp-lexicon.org
- 7List of spells - Harry Potter Wiki
harrypotter.fandom.com
- 8maḫāṣum - Wiktionary
en.wiktionary.org
- 9Training remote - Wookieepedia
starwars.fandom.com
- 10Obi-Wan Kenobi - Wookieepedia
starwars.fandom.com
- 11Adalbert Waffling - Harry Potter Wiki
harrypotter.fandom.com
- 12Mudblood - Harry Potter Wiki
harrypotter.fandom.com
- 13Merlin - Harry Potter Wiki
harrypotter.fandom.com
- 14Thinking outside the box - Wikipedia
en.wikipedia.org
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