Maximus, Mediumus, Minimus

This week's track takes an October 21 post from @LISA4drill and turns it into a three-tiered shout-along. The setup is one sentence long. The world is on fire, and next door there is a massive cat named Maximus, a regular-sized cat named Mediumus, and a little kitten named Minimus.

The post picked up more than 192,000 likes and 1.6 million views in five days, mostly from people who needed exactly one piece of good news. 1

The song starts where most mornings start now: a phone, a headline, an alarm, a reason not to leave the house. Then it does the only sensible thing left. It pulls the blinds, looks over the fence, and finds a system that still works — one massive cat, one regular cat, one kitten, sorted by size and named like a Roman legion. The chorus is that line-up bellowed at full volume. The breakdown counts them again, just to be sure nothing else has gone missing. The bridge is the quiet part, where none of the three has heard about any of it.

The sound is the one this channel always brings: screamed verses, low-tuned chugging riffs, thunderous drums, a gang-shout chorus built for yelling at a screen, and a stop-start breakdown that drops to almost nothing before it lands. Put it on for a Monday morning doomscroll, for the group chat currently arguing about the news, or for standing at the window with a coffee while a far larger animal goes about its day outside.

[Intro] MAXIMUS! MEDIUMUS! MINIMUS! THE WORLD IS ON FIRE! THE CATS ARE FINE!

[Verse 1] Every morning starts the same way now My phone lights up and everything is wrong Another headline and another alarm Another reason not to leave the house

[Pre-Chorus] So I pull the blinds and I look outside And the only thing still working is next door

[Chorus] MAXIMUS! He's a massive cat! MEDIUMUS! He's a regular cat! MINIMUS! He's a little kitten! Three cats, one house, and they've got it figured out! MAXIMUS! MEDIUMUS! MINIMUS! Big, medium, small, in a perfect line! MAXIMUS! MEDIUMUS! MINIMUS! The world's a mess but the cats are fine!

[Verse 2] The big one has an opinion about everybody The regular one only wants the door left open The little one is still learning how to be a cat And my neighbor named them like a Roman legion

[Pre-Chorus] So I pull the blinds and I look outside And the only thing still working is next door

[Chorus] MAXIMUS! He's a massive cat! MEDIUMUS! He's a regular cat! MINIMUS! He's a little kitten! Three cats, one house, and they've got it figured out! MAXIMUS! MEDIUMUS! MINIMUS! Big, medium, small, in a perfect line! MAXIMUS! MEDIUMUS! MINIMUS! The world's a mess but the cats are fine!

[Breakdown] MASSIVE! REGULAR! LITTLE! MASSIVE! REGULAR! LITTLE! COUNT THEM AGAIN! MASSIVE! REGULAR! LITTLE! THE HIERARCHY IS STABLE! THE HIERARCHY IS STABLE!

[Bridge] Maximus does not check the news Mediumus does not know the date Minimus has never heard of anything That happened after lunch

[Final Chorus] MAXIMUS! He's a massive cat! MEDIUMUS! He's a regular cat! MINIMUS! He's a little kitten! Three cats, one house, and they've got it figured out! MAXIMUS! MEDIUMUS! MINIMUS! Big, medium, small, in a perfect line! MAXIMUS! MEDIUMUS! MINIMUS! The world's a mess but the cats are fine!

[Outro] MAXIMUS! MEDIUMUS! MINIMUS! THE LADDER HOLDS! THE CATS ARE FINE! THE CATS ARE FINE!