Click Report Phishing

Karen runs IT security for an office that treats every warning like a suggestion. Her song turns MFA prompts, access reviews, phishing reports, and the phrase "no exceptions" into a wary, unexpectedly tender character portrait.

[Intro] They call me Karen, I run IT security I lock the doors you never see If a link says urgent, bring it straight to me I keep your little kingdom breach-free

[Verse 1] At 8:03, the new hire gets a welcome mail "Please enroll in MFA" and "choose a phrase you won't tell" "Your password expires in three days" The calendar says Security Awareness Training Fourteen invited, three of them remain

I watch the sign-in map turn red in Singapore I ask who needs access to the old shared folder Someone writes, "Can you make an exception?" I write, "Please provide business justification" Then I wait beside the blinking screen For the sentence that explains what they mean

[Pre-Chorus] I don't want your inbox I don't want your name I want the thing you clicked on Before it starts a flame

[Chorus] Click report phishing, don't forward it to me I already saw the logo, I know what it means "Please do not approve" is my favorite melody I say it like a warning, you hear it as a plea I am the lock on the door when the party's still on I am the red little banner you keep clicking through They call me Karen, but I call it care If I sound like a problem, I am standing there

[Verse 2] Quarterly access review, I compare names to seats A contractor in Salesforce who left in '23 "Remove by Friday" goes out to every team Then I get a direct message: "Just leave it for the week"

The password was found in a breach last June I send the reset link and you send back a frown "This is a low-risk workflow, can we skip the scan?" I write, "No exceptions," then I check the plan The ticket says resolved, the evidence says no I close the tab, but I don't let it go

[Chorus] Click report phishing, don't forward it to me I already saw the logo, I know what it means "Please do not approve" is my favorite melody I say it like a warning, you hear it as a plea I am the lock on the door when the party's still on I am the red little banner you keep clicking through They call me Karen, but I call it care If I sound like a problem, I am standing there

[Bridge] At 5:47, the CEO says, "I think I clicked" I say, "Take a breath. Don't delete anything." I walk through the steps, I stay on the line I hear the whole building breathing behind mine No shame in the message, no blame in the log Just change the password and unplug the box And when the room goes quiet, I look at the door The thing I protect is the thing I am for

[Instrumental Break]

[Final Chorus] Click report phishing, don't forward it to me I already saw the logo, I know what it means "Please do not approve" is my favorite melody I say it like a warning, you hear it as a plea I am the lock on the door when the party's still on I am the red little banner you keep clicking through They call me Karen, but I call it care If I sound like a problem, I am standing there

[Outro] MFA required, password reset Least privilege, no regret Click report phishing, I will meet you there They call me Karen, and I call it care