One Report of a Finger (Barbershop Quartet)

On May 28, 2026, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission published Recall 26-512: a blue outdoor lounge chair, the Giantex model NP10025NY, had been quietly amputating fingers. The five-position adjustable locking system contained a pinch point, and one buyer found out the hard way. About 1,155 of these chairs sold on Amazon and Giantex.com between August 2023 and October 2025 for $75 to $90. The remedy? Destroy the chair, cut the fabric, detach the headrest pillow, and mail in photographic proof of its death.

That is a genuinely unhinged piece of official government text. Four men in matching vests agreed.

This barbershop quartet performs the entire CPSC recall notice — product dimensions, the injury report, the lot count, the destruction ritual — with complete sincerity and zero irony. The close four-part harmony hits its ring chords hardest on "amputation risk." The bridge slows to a solo baritone reading the destruction instructions like a bedside prayer. They want you to know about recall number twenty-six dash five-one-two.

The original recall notice is right here:

[Verse 1] I bought myself a lounge chair, blue and fine Seventy-five dollars, off the Amazon dot-com line Model number NP10025NY Twenty-three inches wide and seventy-six long, my oh my

[Verse 2] They said relax, adjust the backrest height Thirteen point five to twenty-six point five, feels just right I placed my fingers on the locking pin That five-position system let the pinch point in

[Chorus] Consumers can place their fingers in a pinch point Posing an amputation risk! One report, one report of a finger being amputated While adjusting the lounge chair — don't you risk!

[Verse 3] About eleven hundred and fifty-five of these chairs Sold between August twenty-twenty-three and October down the years Giantex Inc. of Ontario, California Manufactured in China, shipped across the USA

[Verse 4] The Consumer Product Safety Commission said Stop using that chair, stop using that chair instead Recall number twenty-six dash five-one-two Here is what you gotta do

[Chorus] Consumers can place their fingers in a pinch point Posing an amputation risk! One report, one report of a finger being amputated While adjusting the lounge chair — don't you risk!

[Bridge — soloist, dramatic] Destroy... Destroy the recalled lounge chair Detach the headrest pillow Cut the fabric And provide Photographic proof Of destruction

[Full quartet rejoins] Photographic proof of destruction, yes indeed That's the remedy you need

[Outro — slow doo-wop decay] Recall twenty-six... dash five-one-two... Don't let it happen... to you... Aaaaaah...