The emery board that fell out of Joe Niekro's pocket

On August 3, 1987, Minnesota Twins pitcher Joe Niekro was ejected in the fourth inning of an 11–3 win over the California Angels. The reason was not a bad pitch, a shouting match, or a suspicious glove. It was an emery board that Niekro tried to flick away while umpires were checking him for scuffed baseballs. 1

The Twins were leading the American League West and playing the Angels in Anaheim. Niekro was 42 and surviving in the majors with a knuckleball, a pitch built around a delicate grip at the fingertips. His explanation was that he carried an emery board to keep his fingernails in shape between innings. That part was plausible: other knuckleballers also treated nail care as part of the job. The suspicious extra was the sandpaper. 23

Angels hitters complained that Niekro's pitches were behaving strangely. Home-plate umpire Tim Tschida and crew chief Dave Phillips began setting aside baseballs with scuffs in the same area, over the printed signature of American League president Bobby Brown. By the fourth inning, the crew had enough evidence to stop treating the complaints as ordinary gamesmanship. 2

With Brian Downing batting, the umpires asked Niekro for the ball and then went to the mound. They checked his glove first. Niekro threw it over with no trouble, while his manager, Tom Kelly, tried to get an explanation from the suddenly very busy officials. Then Phillips asked Niekro to empty his pockets. 2

Niekro first produced a picture of his son, Lance. Then, as he pulled his hands from his pockets, a small emery board hit the dirt. One umpire saw it. Niekro moved toward it as if he had dropped something by accident, which made the moment worse. The umpires also recovered a rough-grain piece of sandpaper. 2

That is the part that makes the episode feel scripted: the officials had suspected illegal ball-tampering, asked to inspect the pitcher, and watched the physical evidence fall out during the inspection. The emery board was a reasonable tool for a knuckleballer. In that exact setting, with damaged balls already in a bag, it looked like a prop from a very bad alibi.

The rulebook did not care whether Niekro claimed the file was for his nails. Rule 3.02 prohibited a player from intentionally discoloring or damaging a baseball with substances including sandpaper and emery paper, as well as other foreign material. The umpires had the marked balls, the sandpaper, and the attempted pocket disposal; American League president Bobby Brown handed Niekro an automatic 10-game suspension. Niekro appealed, but Brown upheld the decision. 12

The controversy also exposed how baseball's cheating rules worked in that era. Scuffing one side of a baseball can change its drag and make it break differently in the air. The practice was widely suspected, but proving it was another matter. Niekro's case was unusually tidy: several damaged balls, a suspect tool, and a camera-friendly attempt to make the tool disappear. 2

Niekro never abandoned the nail-care defense. He said he had carried an emery board and sandpaper for years because a knuckleballer's fingernails had to stay usable. That may explain why the emery board was in his pocket; it did not explain the scuffed balls or the sandpaper nearly as well. 2

He eventually leaned into the absurdity. During his suspension, Niekro appeared on Late Night with David Letterman wearing a tool-filled apron and playing along with the scandal. When Letterman pressed him on whether he had doctored the ball, Niekro answered: "Dave, do I look like a doctor?" 2

Most ejections end with a player walking toward the clubhouse. Joe Niekro's ended with a piece of manicure equipment on the grass, a bag of suspicious baseballs, and a ten-game vacation that became part of baseball's blooper history. The strange detail is not that a pitcher carried an emery board. It is that, for one inning in Anaheim, the most believable object in his pocket was also the one that gave the whole case away.