HPMOR 第2章｜我相信的一切都是错的（中英对照） (2026)

英文原文取自 HPMOR 官方第 2 章。中文为本频道依据英文原文逐段独立重译的非官方译文；公开中文译本只用于核对专名和漏段，未直接转载。1 2

"Of course it was my fault. There's no one else here who could be responsible for anything."

当然是我的错。这里除了我，没人还能为任何事情负责。

"Now, just to be clear," Harry said, "if the professor does levitate you, Dad, when you know you haven't been attached to any wires, that's going to be sufficient evidence. You're not going to turn around and say that it's a magician's trick. That wouldn't be fair play. If you feel that way, you should say so now, and we can figure out a different experiment instead."

「先说清楚，」哈利说，「爸爸，你明知道自己身上没系钢丝；如果教授真能让你飘起来，这就算足够的证据了。你到时候可不能改口，说那是魔术师的把戏。那样不公平。如果你真这么想，现在就说，我们可以另想一个实验。」

Harry's father, Professor Michael Verres-Evans, rolled his eyes. "Yes, Harry."

哈利的父亲迈克尔·维雷斯-埃文斯教授翻了翻白眼。「是的，哈利。」

"And you, Mum, your theory says that the professor should be able to do this, and if that doesn't happen, you'll admit you're mistaken. Nothing about how magic doesn't work when people are sceptical of it, or anything like that."

「还有你，妈妈。照你的理论，教授应该能做到这一点；如果事情没发生，你就承认自己错了。不能说什么『魔法在人们不相信它时就不管用』之类的话。」

Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall was watching Harry with a bemused expression. She looked quite witchy in her black robes and pointed hat, but when she spoke she sounded formal and Scottish, which didn't go together with the look at all. At first glance she looked like someone who ought to cackle and put babies into cauldrons, but the whole effect was ruined as soon as she opened her mouth. "Is that sufficient, Mr. Potter?" she said. "Shall I go ahead and demonstrate?"

副校长米勒娃·麦格看着哈利，神情有些困惑，又像觉得好笑。她身穿黑袍，头戴尖帽，女巫派头十足；可一开口，那种正式的语气和苏格兰腔就跟外表完全搭不上了。乍看之下，她应该会咯咯怪笑，把婴儿丢进坩埚，可她一说话，整副架势顿时全毁。「这样就够了吗，波特先生？」她问，「我可以开始演示了吗？」

"Sufficient? Probably not," Harry said. "But at least it will help. Go ahead, Deputy Headmistress."

「真够吗？恐怕还不够，」哈利说，「不过至少会有帮助。请开始吧，副校长。」

"Just Professor will do," said she, and then, "Wingardium Leviosa."

「叫我教授就行，」她说。接着，她念道：「羽加迪姆·勒维奥萨。」

Harry looked at his father.

哈利看向父亲。

"Huh," Harry said.

「咦。」哈利说。

His father looked back at him. "Huh," his father echoed.

父亲回望着他。「咦。」父亲也重复了一声。

Then Professor Verres-Evans looked back at Professor McGonagall. "All right, you can put me down now."

接着维雷斯-埃文斯教授转头看向麦格教授。「好了，现在可以把我放下来了。」

His father was lowered carefully to the ground.

父亲被稳稳地放回地面。

Harry ruffled a hand through his own hair. Maybe it was just that strange part of him which had already been convinced, but... "That's a bit of an anticlimax," Harry said. "You'd think there'd be some kind of more dramatic mental event associated with updating on an observation of infinitesimal probability -" Harry stopped himself. Mum, the witch, and even his Dad were giving him that look again. "I mean, with finding out that everything I believe is false."

哈利用手抓了抓头发。或许只是因为他心里那个奇怪的部分早就已经信了，可是……「这也太虎头蛇尾了，」哈利说，「按理说，根据一次概率近乎为零的观测来更新判断，心理上总该发生点更戏剧性的变化——」哈利及时打住。妈妈、女巫，连爸爸都又用那种眼神看着他。「我是说，发现自己相信的一切都是错的，总该更有戏剧性一点。」

Seriously, it should have been more dramatic. His brain ought to have been flushing its entire current stock of hypotheses about the universe, none of which allowed this to happen. But instead his brain just seemed to be going, All right, I saw the Hogwarts Professor wave her wand and make your father rise into the air, now what?

说真的，事情本该更有戏剧性。他的大脑理应把脑中关于宇宙的整套现有假说全部扔掉，因为没有一条假说允许这种事发生。可他的大脑仿佛只是在说：『好吧，我看见霍格沃茨的教授挥了挥魔杖，让你父亲飘到空中。然后呢？』

The witch-lady was smiling benevolently upon them, looking quite amused. "Would you like a further demonstration, Mr. Potter?"

那位女巫正和善地冲他们微笑，显然觉得很有意思。「波特先生，您还想再看个演示吗？」

"You don't have to," Harry said. "We've performed a definitive experiment. But..." Harry hesitated. He couldn't help himself. Actually, under the circumstances, he shouldn't be helping himself. It was right and proper to be curious. "What else can you do?"

「不用了，」哈利说，「我们已经做了一个足以定论的实验。不过……」哈利犹豫了一下。他忍不住想问。其实在这种情况下，他也不该把问题憋回去；好奇本来就是天经地义的。「您还会什么？」

Professor McGonagall turned into a cat.

麦格教授变成了一只猫。

Harry scrambled back unthinkingly, backpedalling so fast that he tripped over a stray stack of books and landed hard on his bottom with a thwack. His hands came down to catch himself without quite reaching properly, and there was a warning twinge in his shoulder as the weight came down unbraced.

哈利想也没想就往后窜。他退得太快，被地上随手堆着的一摞书绊倒，啪的一声重重坐在地上。他本能地用双手撑地，却没能撑稳；身体的重量一下压上去，肩膀随即传来一阵警告般的刺痛。

At once the small tabby cat morphed back up into a robed woman. "I'm sorry, Mr. Potter," said the witch, sounding sincere, though the corners of her lips were twitching upwards. "I should have warned you."

那只小虎斑猫立刻又变回了身穿长袍的女人。「抱歉，波特先生，」女巫听起来很真诚，嘴角却在不住地往上翘，「我本该先提醒您的。」

Harry was breathing in short gasps. His voice came out choked. "You can't DO that!"

哈利急促地喘着气。他开口时，声音都哽住了：「你不能这么做！」

"It's only a Transfiguration," said Professor McGonagall. "An Animagus transformation, to be exact."

「这只是变形术，」麦格教授说，「严格说来，是阿尼马格斯变形。」

"You turned into a cat! A SMALL cat! You violated Conservation of Energy! That's not just an arbitrary rule, it's implied by the form of the quantum Hamiltonian! Rejecting it destroys unitarity and then you get FTL signalling! And cats are COMPLICATED! A human mind can't just visualise a whole cat's anatomy and, and all the cat biochemistry, and what about the neurology? How can you go on thinking using a cat-sized brain?"

「您变成了一只猫！一只『小』猫！您违反了能量守恒定律！这可不是随手定下的规矩，量子哈密顿量的形式本身就蕴含了这一点！把它扔掉会破坏幺正性，接下来就能传递超光速信号！而且猫『复杂』得很！一个人怎么可能光凭脑子，就完整想象出一只猫的解剖结构、猫全身的生物化学过程？还有『神经机制』怎么办？您怎么还能靠猫那么大的脑子继续『思考』？」

Professor McGonagall's lips were twitching harder now. "Magic."

麦格教授的嘴角抖得更厉害了。「魔法。」

"Magic isn't enough to do that! You'd have to be a god!"

「光靠『魔法』还做不到这种事！您非得是神才办得到！」

Professor McGonagall blinked. "That's the first time I've ever been called that."

麦格教授眨了眨眼。「我还是第一次被人这么称呼。」

A blur was coming over Harry's vision, as his brain started to comprehend what had just broken. The whole idea of a unified universe with mathematically regular laws, that was what had been flushed down the toilet; the whole notion of physics. Three thousand years of resolving big complicated things into smaller pieces, discovering that the music of the planets was the same tune as a falling apple, finding that the true laws were perfectly universal and had no exceptions anywhere and took the form of simple maths governing the smallest parts, not to mention that the mind was the brain and the brain was made of neurons, a brain was what a person was -

哈利眼前渐渐模糊起来。他的大脑开始明白，刚才究竟有什么东西崩塌了。被冲进马桶的，是「宇宙受统一而严整的数学规律支配」这整套观念；是整个『物理学』。三千年来，人们不断把庞大而复杂的事物拆成更小的部分，也发现，行星的乐曲和苹果坠落的曲调原来是同一支歌，真正的定律处处适用，没有任何例外，而且可以写成简单的数学，支配事物最微小的组成部分。更别提心智就是大脑，大脑由神经元组成，一个人的大脑就是这个人——

And then a woman turned into a cat, so much for all that.

结果一个女人变成了猫。好吧，前面那些全完了。

A hundred questions fought for priority over Harry's lips and the winner poured out: "And, and what kind of incantation is Wingardium Leviosa? Who invents the words to these spells, nursery schoolers?"

一百个问题争着要从哈利嘴里先冒出来，最后胜出的那个脱口而出：「还有、还有，『羽加迪姆·勒维奥萨』算什么咒语？这些咒语都是谁编的，幼儿园小孩吗？」

"That will do, Mr. Potter," Professor McGonagall said crisply, though her eyes shone with suppressed amusement. "If you wish to learn about magic, I suggest that we finalise the paperwork so that you can go to Hogwarts."

「到此为止，波特先生，」麦格教授干脆地说，眼里却闪着强忍的笑意，「如果您想学习魔法，我建议我们把手续办完，好让您去霍格沃茨。」

"Right," Harry said, somewhat dazed. He pulled his thoughts together. The March of Reason would just have to start over, that was all; they still had the experimental method and that was the important thing. "How do I get to Hogwarts, then?"

「好，」哈利有些发懵地说。他重新拢起思绪。理性的进军大不了从头再来，仅此而已；实验方法毕竟还在，这才是重要的。「那我该怎么去霍格沃茨？」

A choked laugh escaped Professor McGonagall, as if extracted from her by tweezers.

一声憋不住的笑从麦格教授嘴里漏了出来，仿佛有人用镊子硬把它夹出来似的。

"Hold on a moment, Harry," his father said. "Remember why you haven't been going to school up until now? What about your condition?"

「等等，哈利，」他的父亲说，「记得你为什么一直没去上学吗？你那个情况怎么办？」

Professor McGonagall spun to face Michael. "His condition? What's this?"

麦格教授猛地转向迈克尔。「他的情况？怎么回事？」

"I don't sleep right," Harry said. He waved his hands helplessly. "My sleep cycle is twenty-six hours long, I always go to sleep two hours later, every day. I can't fall asleep any earlier than that, and then the next day I go to sleep two hours later than that. 10PM, 12AM, 2AM, 4AM, until it goes around the clock. Even if I try to wake up early, it makes no difference and I'm a wreck that whole day. That's why I haven't been going to a normal school up until now."

「我的睡眠不正常，」哈利说。他无可奈何地挥了挥手。「我的睡眠周期有二十六个小时，每天都比前一天晚两个小时睡。我没法提前入睡，到了第二天，又会比那个时间再晚两个小时。晚上十点、午夜十二点、凌晨两点、凌晨四点……就这么沿着钟面转过一整圈。就算我硬逼自己早起也没用，那一整天我都会彻底垮掉。所以我到现在一直没去普通学校。」

"One of the reasons," said his mother. Harry shot her a glare.

「原因之一，」他的母亲说。哈利狠狠瞪了她一眼。

McGonagall gave a long hmmmmm. "I can't recall hearing about such a condition before..." she said slowly. "I'll check with Madam Pomfrey to see if she knows any remedies." Then her face brightened. "No, I'm sure this won't be a problem - I'll find a solution in time. Now," and her gaze sharpened again, "what are these other reasons?"

麦格发出一声拖得很长的_嗯——_。「我还从没听说过这种情况……」她慢慢说，「我去问问庞弗雷夫人，看她知不知道有什么办法。」接着，她神色一亮。「不，我相信这不会成为问题——我会及时想出办法。现在，」她的目光又锐利起来，「还有哪些『其他』原因？」

Harry sent his parents a glare. "I am a conscientious objector to child conscription, on grounds that I should not have to suffer for a disintegrating school system's failure to provide teachers or study materials of even minimally adequate quality."

哈利瞪了父母一眼。「我出于良心，拒绝服这种『儿童兵役』。学校系统都快散架了，却连老师和学习材料的最低质量都保证不了。我不该替这个系统的失败受苦。」

Both of Harry's parents howled with laughter at that, like they thought it was all a big joke. "Oh," said Harry's father, eyes bright, "is that why you bit a maths teacher in third year."

哈利的父母一起放声大笑，仿佛他说的是一个天大的笑话。「哦，」哈利的父亲双眼发亮，「所以你三年级时咬了数学老师，就是因为这个？」

"She didn't know what a logarithm was! "

「她连对数是什么都不知道！」

"Of course," seconded Harry's mother. "Biting her was a very mature response to that."

「那当然，」哈利的母亲帮腔道，「咬她一口，真是非常成熟的应对方式。」

Harry's father nodded. "A well-considered policy for addressing the problem of teachers who don't understand logarithms."

哈利的父亲点点头。「对付不懂对数的老师，真是一套深思熟虑的办法。」

"I was seven years old! How long are you going to keep on bringing that up?"

「我那时才『七岁』！你们还要拿这件事说多久？」

"I know," said his mother sympathetically, "you bite one maths teacher and they never let you forget it, do they?"

「我知道，」他的母亲同情地说，「你就咬了一个数学老师，大家便一辈子不让你忘，是吧？」

Harry turned to Professor McGonagall. "There! You see what I have to deal with?"

哈利转向麦格教授。「看见了吧！您看我平时都得应付些什么！」

"Excuse me," said Petunia, and fled through the backdoor into the garden, from which her screams of laughter were clearly audible.

「失陪一下，」佩妮说着，从后门逃进了花园；她尖叫般的狂笑声传得一清二楚。

"There, ah, there," Professor McGonagall seemed to be having trouble speaking for some reason, "there is to be no biting of teachers at Hogwarts, is that quite clear, Mr. Potter?"

「好了，呃，好了，」麦格教授不知为何有点说不出话，「在霍格沃茨不许咬老师，听清楚了吗，波特先生？」

Harry scowled at her. "Fine, I won't bite anyone who doesn't bite me first."

哈利瞪着她。「行吧，只要别人不先咬我，我就不咬别人。」

Professor Michael Verres-Evans also had to leave the room briefly upon hearing that.

听到这句话后，迈克尔·维雷斯-埃文斯教授也不得不暂时离开房间。

"Well," Professor McGonagall sighed, after Harry's parents had composed themselves and returned. "Well. I think, under the circumstances, that I should avoid taking you to purchase your study materials until a day or two before school begins."

「好吧，」在哈利的父母平复下来、回到房间后，麦格教授叹了口气。「好吧。我想，照目前的情况，我最好还是等到开学前一两天，再带您去买学习用品。」

"What? Why? The other children already know magic, don't they? I have to start catching up right away!"

「什么？为什么？其他孩子已经会魔法了，对吧？我得马上开始追赶才行！」

"Rest assured, Mr. Potter," replied Professor McGonagall, "Hogwarts is quite capable of teaching the basics. And I suspect, Mr. Potter, that if I leave you alone for two months with your schoolbooks, even without a wand, I will return to this house only to find a crater billowing purple smoke, a depopulated city surrounding it and a plague of flaming zebras terrorising what remains of England."

「请放心，波特先生，」麦格教授回答，「霍格沃茨完全有能力教会学生基础知识。而且我怀疑，波特先生，如果我让您独自和课本待上两个月，就算不给您魔杖，等我回到这里时，这栋房子只怕已经变成一个冒着滚滚紫烟的巨坑，巨坑所在的城市已经空无一人，还有一大群浑身冒火的斑马正在英格兰其余地区肆虐。」

Harry's mother and father nodded in perfect unison.

哈利的父母同时点了点头，动作整齐得分毫不差。

"Mum! Dad! "

「妈妈！爸爸！」

梗与典故

「概率近乎为零的观测」　哈利原先认为「麦格能让父亲飘起来」几乎不可能。按贝叶斯更新的思路，证据越出乎旧模型的意料，人就越该重新判断各种解释有多可信。作者的科学说明也明确说，这句话讲的是贝叶斯更新。3
为什么变成猫比悬浮更吓人　在哈利原有的物理图景里，能量要守恒，复杂事物能拆成遵守同一套规律的更小部分，心智也离不开大脑。一个成年人忽然缩成小猫，人的意识仿佛还得继续靠猫那么大的脑子运转；在哈利看来，这一下同时掀翻了好几层根基。作者特意说明：哈利提到量子哈密顿量，是因为能量守恒通过诺特定理深深嵌在现代物理的结构里，并不是一条随时可以给魔法让路的经验规矩。3
「幺正性」「超光速信号」那一串　哈利一口气抛出这些术语，是在说明他眼中的后果：一旦底层约束可以随手撤掉，问题便不是「现有物理再加一条魔法规则」，而是整套理论都失去了支点。哈利追问的是规则怎样还能自洽，麦格只答「魔法」；两个人根本没在同一层说话。
「理性的进军」　哈利把探索世界这件事夸张地称为「理性的进军」。他失去了自己信任的物理理论，却没有丢掉实验方法；所谓「从头再来」，就是让新证据重新塑造自己对世界的判断。
对数与咬老师　对数是指数运算的逆运算：既然 2 的 3 次方等于 8，那么以 2 为底，8 的对数就是 3。哈利七岁时发现老师不懂对数，竟然咬了她。作者在科学说明里也特地把「LOGARITHMS」写成全大写，提醒读者注意这处笑话。3 4

HPMOR 第2章｜我相信的一切都是错的（中英对照）

梗与典故

References

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