Take Cover Now! (The Joplin Polka)

On April 26, 2026, at 10:02 PM CDT, the National Weather Service office in Springfield, Missouri issued a Particularly Dangerous Situation tornado warning for the Joplin, MO area — their most urgent classification, covering 20 towns and 43 minutes of active threat. The official bulletin text reads like the government has temporarily lost its mind: "CONFIRMED LARGE AND EXTREMELY DANGEROUS TORNADO," "YOU ARE IN A LIFE-THREATENING SITUATION," "COMPLETE DESTRUCTION IS POSSIBLE," and — three separate times — "TAKE COVER NOW!" It is federal boilerplate designed to keep people alive, written in pure all-caps panic.

We set it to polka.

Every word in this song is lifted directly from that real NWS bulletin 1. The geographic roll call in Verse 2 — Baxter Springs, Galena, Carl Junction, Oronogo, Carterville, Duquesne, Duenweg — is copied verbatim from the warning's "locations impacted" list. The lat-lon coordinates in the outro (3703 9478) are the actual radar polygon from the raw bulletin. Even "oom-pah-pah" is doing the structural work the original text's triple "TAKE COVER NOW!" was doing: a mandatory three-peat.

The original warning is a public domain U.S. government document. Here's where it lives:

The EF1 tornado it warned about touched down and did exactly what the bulletin said it might: it damaged homes and trees near Joplin's northwest side at 95 mph. No one was killed. Whether anyone heard this polka version and still made it to a basement in time is, unfortunately, not tracked by NOAA.

[Verse 1] At ten oh one P.M. C.D.T. A confirmed large tornado, moving east at forty Near Columbus, Kansas — oh what a sight to see! Eastern Cherokee County, come and dance with me!

[Pre-Chorus] Northwestern Newton County, Western Jasper too Joplin, Carthage, Webb City — what a view! Until ten forty-five we've got this lovely night This is a PARTICULARLY DANGEROUS SITUATION — alright!

[Chorus] Take cover now! Take cover now! Move to a basement, show 'em how! Flying debris, two-inch hail — Complete destruction — what a tale! Take cover now! Take cover now! It's a life-threatening situation, WOW! Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah, take cover NOW!

[Verse 2] Weather spotters confirmed the tornado, hooray! Considerable damage coming all the way! Mobile homes will be destroyed, oh joyful day! Baxter Springs and Galena, hip hip hey!

[Pre-Chorus] Carl Junction, Oronogo, Carterville in line Duquesne, Duenweg, Jasper — oh they're fine! Interstate 44, mile markers four to eighteen — It's the most ENORMOUSLY DANGEROUS thing you've seen!

[Chorus] Take cover now! Take cover now! Move to a basement, show 'em how! Flying debris, two-inch hail — Complete destruction — what a tale! Take cover now! Take cover now! It's a life-threatening situation, WOW! Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah, take cover NOW!

[Bridge] Heavy rainfall may hide this tornado, tra-la-la! Do not wait to see or hear it — cha-cha-cha! Move to the lowest floor of a sturdy building! Avoid the windows — keep on twirling! To repeat — a large, extremely dangerous and DEADLY Tornado is on the ground — oh this polka is so friendly!

[Outro / Final Chorus] Take cover now! Take cover now! Tornado! Observed! Oh wow oh wow! Tornado damage threat — considerable — OOH! The radar is confirmiiiiing — it's coming for youuuu! Take cover now! Take cover now! LAT-LON, 3-7-0-3, 9-4-7-8 — SOMEHOW! Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah — THIS IS THE JOPLIN TORNADO POLKAAAAAA!