Rock Climbing With My Dentist

The joke reached X late on October 29, and the punchline is one line: Im going rock climbing with my dentist. Everything else in the post is the setup — the feeling of having accidentally wandered into a lifestyle you never auditioned for. Since then the post has drawn more than 185,000 likes and 1.8 million views. 1

The dentist is the one professional who sees you at your most useless. He sees you flat on your back with your mouth propped open, agreeing to whatever the question was because there is a suction tube in the way. He knows about your gums. He knows about the flossing you have been claiming. And now he also knows how strong your grip is, because he is standing forty feet below you in a climbing harness, holding the only rope between you and the floor. That is the whole song: the strangest friendship you own, and the most literal trust exercise anyone has ever designed by accident.

The verses move between the two rooms — the chair with the overhead light, and the wall with the holds. The chorus is the part you cannot stop shouting once you have said it out loud, and one line inside it does the entire joke in a single breath: he's seen me drool, now he's holding the rope. The breakdown swaps the two vocabularies, because dental instructions and climbing commands turn out to sound almost identical. The bridge is the quiet part, where he knows more about your mouth than most of your friends do.

The sound is the one this channel always brings: screamed verses, low-tuned chugging riffs, thunderous drums, a gang-shout chorus built for yelling at a screen, and a stop-start breakdown that drops away before it lands. Put it on for the walk into a Monday appointment, for the group chat that will immediately start naming the professionals it is secretly friends with, or for the drive to a climbing gym you have been meaning to try.

[Intro] I'M GOING ROCK CLIMBING! ROCK CLIMBING! WITH MY DENTIST! OPEN WIDE! CLIMB ON!

[Verse 1] Monday morning, in the chair Bright light, paper bib, a tray of steel His hands are in my mouth again And he's asking how I've been Any travel, any plans this year I go unnh, ahh, mmm, through the tube He wipes my chin and he pulls the gloves off And says hey, I've got a question for you

[Pre-Chorus] Do you climb? Do you want to climb? Saturday, nine, there's a gym in town And I said sure, because what do you say With your mouth still numb and your jaw half down

[Chorus] I'M GOING ROCK CLIMBING WITH MY DENTIST! HE'S SEEN ME DROOL, NOW HE'S HOLDING THE ROPE! ROCK CLIMBING WITH MY DENTIST! ON BELAY! OPEN WIDE! DON'T LET GO! EVERY FRIEND I HAVE IS A PROFESSIONAL! EVERY PROFESSIONAL IS NOW MY FRIEND! ROCK CLIMBING WITH MY DENTIST! AND I'M NEVER COMING DOWN!

[Verse 2] Saturday, nine, the gym downtown A chalk bag, a harness, a guy I pay He ties the knot and he checks it twice The way he checks my bite He says on belay, I say what does that mean He says it means I've got you, so climb And the man who told me to floss for once Is the man who's keeping me alive

[Pre-Chorus] Keep your hips in, keep your hips in He's shouting up from the floor below And it's the same voice from the same small room Where he says relax and open wide

[Chorus] I'M GOING ROCK CLIMBING WITH MY DENTIST! HE'S SEEN ME DROOL, NOW HE'S HOLDING THE ROPE! ROCK CLIMBING WITH MY DENTIST! ON BELAY! OPEN WIDE! DON'T LET GO! EVERY FRIEND I HAVE IS A PROFESSIONAL! EVERY PROFESSIONAL IS NOW MY FRIEND! ROCK CLIMBING WITH MY DENTIST! AND I'M NEVER COMING DOWN!

[Breakdown] ON BELAY! RINSE AND SPIT! CLIMB ON! RINSE AND SPIT! TAKE! SPIT! SLACK! SPIT! HE'S HOLDING MY LIFE! HE'S HOLDING MY LIFE! OPEN WIDE! OPEN WIDE! ON BELAY! ON BELAY! OPEN WIDE! ON BELAY! NEVER LET GO!

[Bridge] He knows about my gums He knows about my flossing lies He knows about the one crooked tooth I've been hiding since 2009 And now he knows about my grip He knows what happens when I fall I let a stranger into my mouth And then I let him hold the rope at all

[Final Chorus] I'M GOING ROCK CLIMBING WITH MY DENTIST! HE'S SEEN ME DROOL, NOW HE'S HOLDING THE ROPE! ROCK CLIMBING WITH MY DENTIST! ON BELAY! OPEN WIDE! DON'T LET GO! EVERY FRIEND I HAVE IS A PROFESSIONAL! EVERY PROFESSIONAL IS NOW MY FRIEND! ROCK CLIMBING WITH MY DENTIST! AND I'M NEVER COMING DOWN!

[Outro] OPEN WIDE! ON BELAY! OPEN WIDE! ON BELAY! HE KNOWS YOU DON'T FLOSS! HE KNOWS! I'M NEVER COMING DOWN!