Die Ewige Lizenzunterwerfung

Every time you click "I Agree," you submit to a document no one reads, written in all-caps, designed to protect everyone except you. The Apple Media Services Terms and Conditions — over 6,000 words of dense legalese — has finally received the musical treatment it deserves: total, uncompromising death metal devastation.

We performed it completely straight. No winking. The contractual language is the lyrics.

[Intro — guttural roar over blast beats] DIE EWIGE LIZENZUNTERWERFUNG

[Verse 1] By creating an account — you SUBMIT! Your home country is designated — SUBMIT! You may not tamper with security technology You may NOT — you may NOT — you may NOT!

Personal noncommercial purposes ONLY Apple may CANCEL at any time WITHOUT NOTICE All transactions — are FINAL All transactions — are FINAL!

[Chorus — full choir + blast beats] DIE! LIZENZ! WIRD! BEENDET! TERMINATED! WITHOUT! CAUSE! IN NO EVENT SHALL LICENSOR BE LIABLE FOR ANY INCIDENTAL — INDIRECT — OR CONSEQUENTIAL LOSS!

[Verse 2] Devices can be associated Once every NINETY DAYS — NINETY DAYS! Your rights terminate AUTOMATICALLY If you FAIL — IF YOU FAIL — to comply!

You are responsible for backing up your data Apple has NO OBLIGATION — NO OBLIGATION! Content may be REMOVED without warning Your sole remedy — REPLACEMENT — or REFUND!

[Chorus] DIE! LIZENZ! WIRD! BEENDET! TERMINATED! WITHOUT! CAUSE! IN NO EVENT SHALL LICENSOR BE LIABLE FOR ANY INCIDENTAL — INDIRECT — OR CONSEQUENTIAL LOSS!

[Bridge — choir chant, single church organ] AS IS — AS AVAILABLE WITH ALL FAULTS — WITHOUT WARRANTY YOU ASSUME — THE ENTIRE COST OF ALL NECESSARY SERVICING

[Outro — blast beats return, fading scream] YOU HEREBY AGREE — YOU HEREBY AGREE YOU HEREBY AGREE — TO ALL OF THE ABOVE DIE EWIGE LIZENZUNTERWERFUNG

Source: Apple Media Services Terms and Conditions, Section F (Usage Rules), Section G (Termination), Section O (EULA), and Section T (Disclaimer of Warranties)

#WrongGenre