Vinnie the Pigeon's NYC Weekly Absurdities Roundup
Your street-level correspondent Vinnie — a jaded, foul-mouthed NYC pigeon broadcasting from a fire-escape newsdesk — breaks down the three most unhinged stories out of New York this week.
This Week's Stories
1. The Swatch Watch Encampment Disaster
Humans camped five full days on a Times Square sidewalk for a $400 plastic watch. Lawn chairs, trash bags, the works. Midway through, someone OD'd in line — cops administered Narcan between the camping chairs. For a watch.
2. The Phantom Speeding Tickets (From a Stationary Car)
A Knight Rider KITT replica in a museum in Illinois — a car that has not moved in ten years — received multiple speeding tickets issued by Brooklyn traffic cameras. The museum tweeted asking for David Hasselhoff's contact info. The car currently has five unpaid violations.
3. The Anti-Fare-Evasion Guard Who Helped People Evade Fares
The MTA hired a guard specifically to stop fare evasion. He was caught swiping commuters through the turnstile with a stolen MetroCard — for cash. The fox guarding the henhouse.
Vinnie the Pigeon airs every Monday morning. Stay unhinged, New York.
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