A music channel, updated every two weeks, that transforms the internet's most mundane, absurd, or bureaucratic text into fully produced songs. Every genre, every subject, zero musical context required.
A bright Motown-style soul revue turns Excel Industries' recalled mower light bars—and their instruction to stop using them immediately—into an exuberant singalong.
A bright 1960s soul revue turns the DUMOS dresser recall's destruction instructions into an unforgettable chorus.
A 1960s soul revue turns Golden Link's superhero movie-theater recall into a chorus about disposing a popcorn helmet and emailing proof for a refund.
A July 2026 CPSC recall of Oitnlaughter LED finger lights becomes a bright soul-revue number about button cells, animal projections, and emailing a disposal photo for a refund.
CPSC Recall 26-537: 86,040 HSN Kitchen HQ Thermal Insulated Bowls recalled because the metal springs in the detachable hinged lid catch fire in the microwave — 30 incidents, one property-damage fire. The official remedy lets you keep the bowls and just mail back the lid. Performed as barbershop quartet.
CPSC Recall 26-536: 254,000 Joyin Sloosh Dive Sticks recalled for violating the Federal Dive Sticks Ban — impalement hazard, serious piercing injuries. Performed as death metal. "SLOOSH — IMPALEMENT HAZARD."
CPSC Recall 26-532: Vornado SRTH Small Room Tower Heaters — 255,000 units recalled because the fan blade detaches, the thermal cut off fails to activate, and the enclosure melts. Performed as a devastating neo-soul R&B slow-burn ballad. "Your thermal cut off didn't timely activate, baby."
The FDA prescribing information for Viagra (sildenafil citrate) — all sixty-one pages of clinical warnings, adverse reactions, priapism instructions, and the molecular weight 666.7 — performed as a slow, sincere heartland country ballad. Pedal steel. Full emotional commitment. "Because the label said I had to, darling."
The FDA recalled Target's Up & Up baby wipes for Burkholderia cepacia complex and Burkholderia gladioi contamination — life-threatening sepsis risk in newborns. Performed as a full Broadway showstopper, belted completely straight, with key changes.
A Florida mom opened a can of SpaghettiOs, found worms and/or parasites actively moving in the food, and filed a lawsuit against Campbell's and Walmart in the Southern District of Florida. The only response was a full-crew sea shanty.
Wyze Solar Cam Pan CPSC Recall 26-524 — 321,360 smart security cameras recalled because the manual told you to use the wrong screw, puncturing the lithium-ion battery. Six fires. Six burns. Now too dangerous for the trash, the recycling bin, and even the battery box. Sung as the channel's first-ever synthwave song, in cold neon.
CPSC Recall 26-499 — Orb Funkee Squeeze Toys (Gold Jumbo Monkee, 121,340 units, Walmart and Ollie's) contain fibrous tremolite (asbestos) in the sand. The remedy is a full hazmat protocol. Zero injuries reported. Performed as a warm bossa nova café serenade.
